I defintely almost died today

So, this post REALLY needs pictures - but I was not fast (or dumb) enough to bust out my camera so I went online to try and find funny pics and realized that nothing is funnier than the real thing. So imagine if you will...

You are walking North on Abbot Kinney after a successful chiropractor visit

You see a guy walking in a crosswalk - he's about 6'3" and a total douchebag. Weird curly, Jew-ish, dreadlockey things, giNORmous oversized Afflicttion style sweatshirt, baggy black pants - giving a guy in a car that is speeding towards him the "Hey - bitch are you gunna stop for me hand wave"

You look at the guy who TOTALLY should have stopped or at least slowed down a long time ago and he's in a late 80s/early 90s style Supra that has never seen a carwash and is now just the color of dust, lowered, Fast and Furious style wheels - back when it was The Fast and The Furious - a pit bull with a crazy ass scary spiked collar, I mean this poor dog, he's probably seen a fight or 20. REALLY loud music, like loud, like OW my ears and I am standing 20 feet away loud. And the driver..well, let's just say he looked mean.

And mean-driver-guy starts YELLing at douchey-crosswalk-guy. And they are screaming at each other. And by the time douchey-crosswalk-guy gets across the street you are at the corner and mean-driver-with-mean-dog-guy is STILL yelling and pointing his hand in the shape of gun at douchey-fashion-thug-guy - only you are PRAYING to the I'm-about-to-go-on-vacation Gods that you are not about to get shot because at this point you are like 2 feet from Mr-why-don't-you-just-cross-the-street-and-shut-the-fuck-up-guy and you think 2 things: 1) I hope doesn't-know-where-a-carwash-is-guy has perfect aim and 2) I hope he doesn't mind leaving a witness.

And then the both go on their merry ways.

And 2 hours later you still thinking about it.

And then you decide to bliggity-blog because Denis Leary would be so proud.

Just overheard at work: "From a branding perspective you have to keep it on four wheels"

Things I did complain about today

Assholes.

So.

I'm just sitting here minding my own business catching up on the Facebook, the Twitter, and the Google Reader, and I read a comment that someone makes about a rapper who was shot and killed at the Beverly Center today and they said: "just another rapper that got capped" --- now --- you may or may not like rap and you may or may not, but probably don't, know the person who was shot and you may or may not know why they were shot - and unless you were the person doing the shooting, I'm pretty sure that you don't.

I do plenty of judging in my day-to-day life (working on that, really) but this was someone's life. And whether or not you know who are they are or agree with how they spend their Sunday mornings, he was still a human. He was a life. And some other human took that life. I don't know why they did it and I am not going to waste my Monday evening or battery life speculating on it. Someone loved this person. Someone is hurting because they are gone. He was more than "just a rapper" to someone. Why is it so hard to remember that and so easy to judge lifestyles we don't know or agree with?

Who the fuck are we to judge why that happened. Maybe they did some bad things in their life, I don't know. And you know what? I'm pretty sure you don't either. So save the judgments for important things like music you have never heard, white shoes after Labor Day and sushi you have never tried.

No one is a "just"

Things I did not complain about today

My slow computer
My sore foot*
My sore back*
My extremely full inbox
The printer
The smell in the bathroom
The good ol boys laughing and ass slapping going on
Never being able to find information that I need in all of our systems
Asking for one thing (that I should have been able to find) and getting something else

*Shoot - I totally forgot and complained about these - but it was really more of an explanation. It was suggested that I frolic and I had to explain why I couldn't.

I am not your maid.

So, today we went to the Farmer's Market... after all - we are "those people" (more on that some other time) - and after buying grapefruit (3 for $2), cherries ($5 for a bucket - no sprays) and organic berries (asst of blue, black and rasp for $14 - cheaper than WF) I decided that I needed a third cup of coffee in an hour. Actually, I didn't even really "need" the coffee I just really love Common Grounds (mostly because it's not Starbucks, Peets or CoffeeBean) so I got my coffee and while I was giving it a splash of half & half I noticed a guy empty three packets of Sugar-in-the-Raw into his cup and then toss the empty paper packets on the table ONE INCH FROM THE TRASH BUCKET. I looked at him and looked at his trash and it's proximity to the trash bucket and said, to no one in particular, "really?" and put the trash in the bucket for him. A grown man should be able to put some trash in a trash receptacle and I should NOT have to clean up after him but I envisioned the paper packets blowing off the table and onto the ground and creating litter and someone else having to pick it up and why the fuck should someone else have to pick it up when I am standing right there next to the trash, and I didn't even have to bend over to pick it up, and put it in the trash bucket.

When I told Guy what happened he just said "Are you surprised?" and yeh, actually I was. I just don't know what the hell is wrong with people - so you don't know where the trash can is and it's that hard to, I don't know, glance around and try and find it? People - come on - take responsibilty for your actions - don't litter, don't be a douchebag, don't expect other people to do things for you. In case you forgot, you are human and you are not ANY better than anyone else... I am not better than douchey litterer fuckface just because I picked up his trash. We are all the same, let's leave the coffee condiment area nice and clean for the next coffee lover ok?

I really need a hobby.

Today someone told me that "some people" might (may?) think that I update my Facebook status too frequently lately. My initial reaction was, predictably, fuck 'em... But after obsessing over it for a few hours (like 7) I thought - "if only they knew." Most people on FB don't even follow me on Twitter - so if they think I update FB a lot, their heads would explode with all of the combined updates. But even those two combined is MAYBE 1/8 of the amount of updates that I could do or would like to do. Believe it or not I AM actually exercising some self-control. I don't necessarily have a lot of time on my hands, I just have a lot of random 140-ish character thoughts that are CONSTANTLY going through my head. A lot. In fact I started this blog because I thought I would ease the amount of random texts, updates, emails that I send to people... But a blog isn't really the place for 140 character or less thoughts. So this leaves me with a decision to make. Stop making random FB updates (maybe)... increase number of Tweets (no)... just keep them in my head (as if). Hmmm... What is a girl to do. Should I start a different totally anonymous Twitter account or blog that takes all of the pressure off of me - I can post anonymously all of my random crazy thoughts - or maybe having SOME restraint is better so that I can get work done during the day. Husband might have me committed, or divorce me and take custody of the cats: "Judge, I would like to present in evidence defense Tweets #27 - 1,987 as proof of plantiff's inability to contribute emotionally to marriage." Yeh - I need a hobby.

In another news, here is my 10 word or less movie review of Star Trek.
loved it. see it. spock is not sylar, remember that.

PB&B

Things that make me go: meh - Pat Benatar, Blondie and The Donnas are playing

At first I was like: "wow, who the fuck cares..." And then I remembered that I am (still) trying to be more positive and less judgmental and thought "I am sure LOTS of people care, and I probably even know some of them. However, I personally do not care and would not spend a nickel on that show.(except I probably actually thought SHIT and not SHOW)" Ok, I MIGHT spend a nickel - but only if the beers were free. And then I thought - "oh, it's probably part of the Fair tour" except I was thinking it in a really judgy way because fair concerts suck ass (and then I replayed the whole positive, know people who like that shit, conversation with myself)... and I was right. Fair tour. OC Fair - I've been thinking that I need to go to the OC Fair instead of the LA County Fair for a change of pace (even though they are all, literally, the same)... maybe we'll go. and you know what, we would probably have a really good time... we will never know.

Oh and that date on the link is wrong but I don't care.

It's a rainbow in my box

So, like, I color code my emails at work, different colors obviously for different items that need to be addressed… it's a pretty good system, especially since I like to do things in batches - I just batch and color code similar tasks together… I used to move things out of the inbox and into folders but I like having them in my inbox, constantly reminding me how far behind I am, to stay motivated (I THINK the GTD peeps like folders AND color coding but there is only so much time in a day to organize y'know).

ANYWAY… lately I've been feeling a little Groundhog Day --- like every day is just sort of the same or really similar --- same kinds of emails, same kinds of problems, same same. And in dealing with the same emails and problems I've gotten a little behind on filing and clearing out my Inbox, so today is the today I totally get caught up, stay motivated, file and get down to <5 emails. Because I am trying to figure out a way to stay engaged I decided to do things in small batches and in doing so I realized that I made my HOURS very Groundhog Day… here's the way it went today:
1) check inbox & clear out one of my colors (this creates more paper that needs to be filed - it's a legal thing)
2) file stack of papers (which are also batched for quick and efficient filing, except when I totally ignore them, like last 2 weeks)
3) check Yahoo, check Facebook, check Twitter
Repeat
Over
And
Over
All
Day
Long .....
Wow. I am REALLY looking forward to that weekend in Sonoma.
File, Rinse, Repeat. Gotta go - Blue is waiting for me

Mother's Day Schmuther's Day.

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random thoughts on a Thursday night

I added the Blogger Dashboard to my Home page tabs to open because I thought maybe it would remind me/inspire me/guilt me into writing more... see, it's working...

I've had a lot to eat today

I am starving

I can.not.stand. hearing listener comments on the radio. If I wanted to hear random douchebag shithead commentary I would just go outside, like to the mall, or church.

No I am not "surprised" by Manny getting 50 game suspension for drug violation - I am SHOCKED that he was stupid enough to get caught.

I probably would not have even thought twice about it except it is MY TEAM he's fucking with and MY TEAM has the best record in baseball - so if this fucks MY shit up I will not be fucking happy.

Everyone says they will probably still be in 1st place when he gets back, so he better be a .350 hitter AT LEAST when he gets back.

I think it's HILARIOUS that Steve Phillips just pointed out on ESPNews that the Dodgers didn't want to pay him that salary anyway and now they're saving 7milliondollars. True.

Hungry.

Nick!!! mmmmm Nick.

So, I've been in a mood lately. A bad mood. A sad mood. A frustrated mood. Angry. Irritated. Overwhelmed. Sick. Back hurts. No sleeping. You name it and I have lived it in the last 2.5 days.

When I get into these moods I listen to a lot of Nick Cave. Like, a lot. Like, nothing else. His music, over the span of his career, has pretty much touched on all of my moods - so when you're mid-mood swing and a Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds Shuffle All takes you from a ballad to a murder ballad to a death row walk you are pretty much RIGHTTHERE with it...

"Stagger Lee" is a really fucking great song. And I was listening to it just now (live, hopefully the studio version comes up in a minute) and I am really struggling which of these two lines is my favorite (close browser now if you are easily offended).

A) She saw the barkeep, said "O God, he can't be dead!"
Stag said, "Well just count the holes in the motherfucker's head"

or

B)"I'm a bad motherfucker, don't you know
But I'll crawl over fifty good pussies just to get one fat boy's asshole"

man, that's a good song. and really good and bitchy and sexy live.

oops gotta run, mood swinging back the other way in 3.2.1....

*****************************************
update at 7:43 pm - I am feeling much better and tomorrow WILL be a better day, Fuck yeh.

it's kind of a rainbow

What I have eaten so far today (3:45pm)

Raisin Bran w Soy milk
Green tea
Avocado
Apple Sauce
Dark Chocolate
Berries
Plain Tuna on Stale crackers.

I feel like maybe I need a "meal"

I'm Dumb - May Day

Every so often I think to myself: "I'm dumb." Guy really doesn't appreciate me saying this, probably since it is rather insulting to him, he is smart enough to not marry a dumb person and, in general, I think I do alright. I can dress myself, feed myself (well I can FEED myself, I cannot cook for myself), get to work, make a decent living...etc...

But I am not, in no way, not even a little, "book smart." Book smart is what people who are common sense smart call those people that intimidate them because they know things - like about the super conductor, still have no clue about that.

ANYWAY - Just about every day I run into something that I feel like I should be at least a little familiar with if not totally knowledgeable. A few weeks back, it was Easter. No clue. Now. I grew up in an atheist/agnostic "family" and never learned about Jesus and all that. But I literally had no clue what Easter was celebrating, except for yummy chocolate eggs and pictures of kids with scary easter bunnies. Guy explained it to me but I was debating hollow vs solid chocolate bunnies in my head so I still don't know.

Today, it's May Day. May Day? I'm going to look it up. BRB.

Google brought up: "May Day Activities" - ok, so it's an excuse to party. sweet.

Something about Labour parties - isn't that what Labor Day is for?

From Wiki: "May Day marks the end of the uncomfortable winter half of the year in the Northern hemisphere, and it has traditionally been an occasion for popular and often raucous celebrations, regardless of the locally prevalent political or religious establishment."

oh - so it's kind of like Summer Solstice meets like St Patrick's Day? WTF does that have to do with Labour parties? Also from Wiki: "People often use May Day as a day for political protest, ... or as a day for protest against government actions, such as pro-immigrant rallies across the United States"

Still have no clue. So it's a celebration of the end of winter and as a day of political protest. I absolutely cannot figure out what those two things have to do with each other. Except that, I guess, it would be too cold to protest in the winter?

Doing a quick search you can also find crafts and poems and all kinds of ways to celebrate. I wonder if I was taught about this in school? I went to Los Angeles Unified so probably not. Well, that's not fair --- I learned a lot. I forgot a lot. I was a bad student, but I had a lot of "potential" they all said so. If only they could see me now. Not knowing about May Day or Easter or Superconductors, getting migraines and calling in sick to work and staying on the couch in my pajamas for dozens of hours at a time, they would be so proud.

I'm not gonna feel bad about it

A few months ago I signed up for a jewelry-making class. A really long jewelry class. Like 16 weeks long. Like 5 hours a week long. Like 5 hours every Saturday for 16 weeks long. I, admittedly, went into it HOPING that I would be able to make it through the whole session but secretly a little afraid I would not be able to finish it. Because if you know me, you know I sign up for classes and don't finish them. I get busy. I get lazy. I tend to sign up when I have had a few days or weeks of downtime and am feeling like I need to get active, motivated and train my brain something new. So imagine how completely and totally stoked I was when after the first couple of classes I was totally in love with it. Really liked the teacher, actually spoke to a couple of people in the class and they seemed decent enough, even had things in common *gasp* with them. I enthusiastically bought my tool box and filled it with supplies and eagerly started on the first assignment.

Then I started to find things wrong with the class. Not enough direction. Not enough structure. I didn't get to use the sandblaster. EVERY Saturday is a lot of Saturdays. Then I went out of town and missed a class. Then I couldn't come up with a design for the second project. Then I went out of town again. Then it was Easter weekend and there was no class. Then I got a cold (not THAT cold, just A cold) and missed a class. Now I am behind but honestly it doesn't matter a whole lot because I know the instructor would work with me to catch up on everything I missed. He would sit down and show me exactly what to do, no matter how many hours it took. And you know what? I really hate that about the class. I hate that there is a line of 5 people needing to buy silver, or ask a question that is really important to their project, or be shown how to use the sandblaster (it's soooo cool) and they would have to wait for me because I missed the classes that they were able to make it to.

So.

I'm not going back. The class, while I enjoyed it at first, wasn't teaching me exactly, or even kind of, what I wanted to learn. It was interesting - just not right for me. I need to find a more basic class. One that shows me what I want, and a little more, without needing a garage full of expensive tools to use what I have learned. I don't even have even a little desire to make jewelry, I was just hoping to learn some skills - like soldering. Guy can probably teach me that, right? So, I'm not gonna feel bad about flaking on the class - it wasn't right for me. And now I have my Saturdays back to do none of the other things I want to be doing.

5/1 - update. I just went into my calendar and saw the weekly appointment and decided to leave it there so that I am forced to look at it and punish myself for the next 8 weeks.

remodel?

you know how when you go to Target and you're walking down the aisles past the clothes even though you only need soap and contact solution and it would be easier to just go directly to that part of the store since it's closer to the door and you think to yourself "maybe if I get new yoga pants I'll go to yoga" and so you duck into into the exercise clothes department - but Target is really close to work, and you did run into a coworker once and they saw you coming out of a section that you didn't want anyone to see you going into, so you hope no one sees you going through the exercise clothes section at Target because then you're admitting that you're the flawed person with ratty yoga pants instead of the badass that you want most people to think you are so that they are too scared to ask you how to fix the printer and you don't know if you're an M or an L and no way in Hell are you going to actually try yoga pants on at Target (ew) and you can't find anything so you think to yourself "I already have X number of yoga pants, I don't need to waste money on new ones, I just need to go to yoga with the pants I already have."

well

I feel like I just had that thought about the blahg. Like. If I redo the page, change the colors, change the header, get a better font, maybe it will inspire me to write here more often.

But that's stupid. It's good enough the way it is for the purpose it serves. Actually I should just remove all images and formatting because, hello, you should be using an RSS feed dealy anyway. I like Google Reader.


***********************
4/29 - update: for the record my yoga pants are not "ratty" they're just not sparkling and new and motivating.

Just a normal Sunday...

Do you ever have those days when you wake up all in a good mood - happy that the sudden head cold that kept you in bed the day before was mostly gone. And you go out and you have a nice breakfast and then have a nice walk around the farmers market and pick up some delicious tomatoes, persian cucumbers, berries that actually have flavor as opposed to the ones you buy at like Ralphs, and avocados. And somewhere between berries and getting to the car your mood takes a total nose dive. You want to throw the berries at that bratty screaming kid's mother (but you can't because they're $$organic$$) and then you want to take the car keys from your husband because he's driving the speed limit and then you get home and want to set the condo on fire because it smells like yesterday's food (the food that husband went out to get TWICE because you were couch-ridden and high on Nyquil). And then you remember your return to Macy's and get kind of happy because you don't have to stay in the stinky apartment and watch hockey playoffs (even though usually you really like hockey).

So... you go make the return without any problems, then you go to the MAC store to buy some software and they really make it very easy - but you do feel sorry for the really ginormous Apple guy who is wearing a shirt that says "No Pain, All Gain" - and then the software makes the Macy's security alarm go off on the way back to the car - and the perfume counter woman wants to strip search you for making the alarm go off as you are walking INTO the store and you're like thisclose to punching her but the stench of her perfume knocks you back 5 feet so you just keep walking as she stands all appalled and entitled. And then you go to Robeks and it smells like vomit.

And then you go home and install new software and you don't read the instructions and you fuck it all up. And you look around at all the shit you need to do. And you get mad at yourself for not doing any of it. And then you feel bad for getting mad at yourself. And then you update your Facebook status. And then you Tweet. And then you see if anyone commented on you FB page. And then you read a really sweet email from your husband. And then you feel like an asshole for being such an asshole. So then you get mad at yourself for being a procrastinating asshole. Then basically your Sunday is over and you write a blog about it. And you wonder why the backlight feature on the keyboard isn't coming on. And you figure it must be karma because instead of enjoying the day you wasted it thinking about you should be enjoying it.

Neither do I.

Deuces are wild.

Deuce’s are wild and I am fairly certain I have come down with Guy’s cold. And it feels like it skipped “cold” status and went directly to sinus infection. But - we hope not.

So, since I am just sitting here (starving and unable to breathe) I might as well talk about some baseball. Here are some random thoughts and Vin-isms that start at the top of the 2nd inning and will last until I pass out or Guy gets home with requested thai food, whichever comes first.

Man. I can’t breathe. Did I mention that? Like in my lungs I can’t breathe. Not in my nose. Although that area is blocked. I can’t even imagine how annoying and scary having asthma would be

Dodgers are up 2-1 and it feels like this could be a long night

Vin: “another name that’s been bandied about, to use that word”

Just noticed cat vomit in the hall - wonder how long it’s been there. Left it there.

Feeling so lazy and ill almost tempted to do one of those annoying Facebook quizzes that keep populating my page. Almost.

Oh - Manny caught an almost home run.

Made a joke on twitter about a Vin Scully drinking game - I bet one exists - gonna go look

oh - let’s also be 12: He said “Deep”

Damn, Manny just (accidentally) knocked the catcher’s mask off with his bat (but, like Vin said, he turned and said “I’m sorry”)

Just tried to put the sparkling water bottle away in the dishes cabinet, only realized it because it was too tall - was distracted with the realization that I only ate half my grapefruit and left the rest to spoil - but at one point I did take the eaten part of the grapefruit and set it down right next to the untouched half.

Just misspelled grapefruit as rapefruit and it has inspired an idea for a piece of art - unfortunately I got no skills. You can have it.

Can’t find a Vin Scully drinking game. Shocked.

Vin: “...nineteen hundred and five; where’d all those years go” --- baseball, Vin, baseball . (I’m almost positive he said “oh-five” but he was talking about Pepsi Park or whateverthefuck it’s called, so I think he means NINETY-five... could have just heard him wrong)

Bummer - Loney is out at 2nd.

MIke Rowe has a nice voice - Ford thinks so too.

I find this “cows the size of schnauzers” commercial for Jack n the Box mini burgers EXTREMELY disturbing - but the song is kind of catchy. Conflicted.

Almost just accused Vin of mis-pronouncing a players’ name - thankfully did not. would have been wrong.

Hey - great a 4-ball walk to the Rockies lead-off hitter with Helton up next. (and by great, I mean NOT GREAT!)

Runners at first and second. No outs. Gunna be a long game.

Not sure if I spelled Helton correctly. Not gunna look it up. I’m living on the edge.

Game is tied.

I’m a little bummed that I don’t know keyboard shortcuts yet on my new computer. But I absolutely love the keyboard. So nice to type on.

Jack in the Box song still stuck in my head

I don’t know - it seems like this homeplate umpire might be watching a different game.

111 pitches in 2-2/3 innings. Thanks for the update, Vin!

thank God for local commercials - first KIA Carson, now AC/DC at the Honda Center. I really feel like I am connecting with the community.

I think Vin might have a crush on Casey Blake.

Vin is talking about Nietzsche.

Vin: “It’s hand-blowing time... the pitchers were told they could go to the mouth... it doesn’t feel that cold unless you have to hold on to something and throw it accurately”

Me thinks husband should not post things on Twitter like: “sure I'll take a glass of wine while I wait for my Thai food.” unless he follows it with something like “before I hurry home to get to my wife who I made sick”

I wonder why Seattle tolerates “Seattle’s Best Coffee”? did they get to vote. Somehow I doubt it is the best.

ETHIER - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Damnit. Vin said it all: “He came up with a glove full of empty” --- outs are not easy to come by in this game

Vin is predicting a bunt

Vin was right.

“knob”

“get it up to the meat”

Vin: “safety first”

“wood”

Rockies are in the lead - see comment above and thank Ethier

Guy’s home - food is here!

It's tied.

damnit

April 16 last blog post! shoot man. That's a lot of days in between words. Have I talked about how life is passing me by? I mean, shit, it's almost the end of April. Where are the minutes going.

Didn't I make a 2009 to-do list at the beginning of the year? Maybe if I go and find that posting it will motivate me to get off my lazy ass and do something...

things I am working on right now:
Trying to stay motivated and focused at work
Breaking in my new computer. I love it. yay.
Watching the beginning of the baseball season
Trying not to eat meat
Getting my new tattoo (3 hours every 3 weeks for the last 9 weeks! 1 more hour and it will be done!)
Hockey playoffs
Cleaning out closets and bookcases
Staring at the stack of books I need (and want) to read
Jewelry making class
Going to Arizona
Thinking about Grand Cayman (maybe over Thanksgiving??)
Not wearing shoes in the house
Studying food

What I need to be working on
Reading
Photography
Writing
Yoga

Maybe if my next tattoo is a Nike Swoosh I will remember to just do it.

dirt

You know how there are people out there who just LOVE to clean? Well if you happen to be one of those people and have nothing to do this weekend will you PLEASE come over here and clean our condo? It's less than 1200 sq ft and is really pretty easy. I will organize your closet or kitchen cupboards in return. Please?

I have love in my heart - oh nevermind, let's talk Bumpits!

I was all set to write something and I got SERIOUSLY distracted by a commercial on the MTV - so more on the original thought in a second.

So - here I sit on a Wednesday night, not watching the hockey playoffs, not watching Dodgers vs Giants, but watching Real World / Road Rules Challenge The Duel 2 (don't hate) and it's awesome. Awesome in that really fucking terrible and deserves an entire post on it's own kind of way - but what really distracted me was a commercial for Bumpits. Now, myabe you already knew about this amazing new invention but I JUST found out that Flat Hair was so last year! Well - now that I know I can do something about it - We can go from flat to fabulous with Bumpits! I just can't put into words the emotions that are being stirred by realizing that FINALLY I don't have to have flat hair! I can buy this $7 piece of plastic to give my hair that "Hollywood" look - fuck man, I knew that I didn't really have a "traditional" look or style but I have lived within 30 miles of Hollywood for my entire life and just had no idea that getting that "trendy Hollywood look" could be so EASY!

I'm just bummed that my birthday has passed and I can't ask for these! What is really funny is that I am pretty sure one of the girls on the show was wearing one during her interview!

You will have to wait to hear what I was gunna write about. I can't get my mind off of Bumpits!