Places I don't want to be during a major earthquake

Hair salon w foils in my hair
Swimming pool (stuck for days in just my bathing suit?! eeek.)


To offset the overly snarky posting from last night, I give you kitten and doggy. Courtesy of LOLcats.

Missing Facebook groups and status updates

I think we need these groups on Facebook (they could actually be there, I really haven't searched):

- Just click Yes or No on Evite. No one thinks your replies are funny and "maybe" just about always means no.
- I judge you by what you feed your children
- I judge you by your font
- I judge you by whether or not you judge others
- Liberals of the world unite against those close-minded and judgmental conservatives!
- No, you can't ask the meaning of my tattoo
- Fuck, like, meh and seriously are tops in my vocabularly.

And here are some status updates that I want to write but can't (yet, somehow I feel it's ok to blog? interesting.)

- Cindy does not want to look back and laugh, she wants to laugh now.
- Cindy would like you to go fuck yourself. (usually only on Mondays and I don't mean you, silly!)
- Cindy has pooped 6 days in a row (If you know me you know this is status update worthy)
- Cindy doesn't care what club you are going to, but she would like to hear about if you had a good time or not. (it's not where you are it's who you're with that's important!)

Seriously. Fuck man, the snark is, like, in full effect tonight...meh - time to bust open the wine!

- Cindy hopes no one takes any of this personally otherwise Cindy will suggest you join the group "fuck you if you can't take a joke" j/k love you. bye.

This is how I listen to music. What?

Many years ago my then-roommate and still-good friend, Jodi, got into my car for the first time in a few months and said "You're listening to this cd again?" My answer was - "No, I am listening to this cd still." It was Tindersticks - Curtains and it was sooooo nice.

In 1984 and 85 when I was listening to Purple Rain I refused to listen to side B until I knew every single word on side A. what? (man, I can't EVEN tell you how excited I was to finally to get to "I Would Die 4 U" (U. Iwould. Die4. U. sing it with me. U. Iwould. Die4. U. complete with hand signs. U. Iwould. Die4. U.).

Now, with no side A's or side B's to create goals and no turntables in my car (where the serious, loud, private music appreciation happens) I have had to perfect a new system for my OCD music listening madness.

I listen to it all the way through a couple of times. Wait, first I BUY the CD - crazy concept doncha think?

Ok - Again.

I listen to it all the way through a couple of times. Usually by the third listen I will have identified one or two songs that are really catchy, have a line or two that is really beautiful and/or is a song that I feel would be a challenge to learn all of the words - White Stripes "Hotel Yorba" comes to mind (Well its 1 2 3 4. take the elevator. at the hotel yorba. I'll be glad to see you later. all they got inside is vacancy). I TOTALLY mastered this song. Only it took about 30 consecutive listens. AND I probably had to pull the car over at one point and read along with the lyrics. When I get stuck in one place in the song I will start the song over. Sometimes I get to the end of a song and remember how much I liked the chorus, or a certain line and will go back to the beginning of the song. Eventually I master the song or come close to it and move on to the next song that interests me until I've made my way through the entire CD. The problem is - and it's only a problem if you ride in my car a lot - is that this can literally take months. I am lucky enough to have a really short commute and I can MAYBE get through 3 listens of one song during a one-way trip to work.

So right now I am obsessing over learning TV on the Radio's first full-length CD - Desperate Youths, Blood Thirsty Babes and if you have even KIND OF listened to TVOTR's lyrics you know that their shit is fucked up. Fucked up in that FUCK these guys are amazing, genius, insane and inspiring all at the same time. So yeh this will take awhile. Apologies in advance to those riding in my car who don't like track 2, 3, 5 and 7 which I am working on right now. (Leave your treadmill power trip behind. I will be your one more time if you will be my one last chance. - fucking beautiful.)

I have never been able to really get the whole Black Lips "Navajo" from Good Bad Not Evil. That one is hard. Maybe some day I'll go back to it. I have the first and third TVOTR cd's to get through first though. Oh and the EP. shit.

Happy Friday 13th

The Vaughn black cats say have a happy Friday 13th.

Blue screen sadness

My work laptop has had it twice. This was waiting for me when I got back from lunch.

Sage advice from Master Guy Vaughn

So. You know on Sunday I did that whole temple/om/God thing. Well I thought a lot about the sermon and how I need to be more positive, not influenced by people's negativity (blah blah blah). And for ONE WHOLE DAY I was totally feeling it. YEH! You - grumpy narcissist - you're not gonna get me down. YOU - negative Nathan, you keep your bah hum bug to yourself. You - irritating person who follows up an email with a visit asking if I read your email - I will not waste my brain power thinking about how that is absolutely one of THE most annoying traits a co-worker can have (unless you're my friend and it is really important and/or you know I would appreciate the break). No. For ONE WHOLE DAY I was all mellow and zen and shit.

Then Tuesday came. And sometimes I just REALLY wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I'm moody, I know. I own it. I don't love that about myself, but you walk a half-mile to Starbucks in my red boots before you think you can judge me.

ANYWAY. I was struggling with how to be positive when I just felt so shitty for no reason. And since the guru wasn't available (I assume) I went to the next best thing - Guy. I asked him for advice on how to turn a random bout of bad mood around into something positive. I don't really know what I was expecting, but what I got was amazing. It didn't make me feel any better necessarily but it made me feel normal (don't laugh) and human and loved. I am TOTALLY reprinting this without his permission - he just rushed home to make us dinner while I sit on the couch wishing a glass of wine would magically appear in front of me. And hopefully he knows how amazing I think he is. Thanks Husband!

Sent: Tuesday, February 03, 2009 11:47 AM
To: Vaughn, Cindy
Subject: RE: puppet

well that's part of a bigger discussion. it's one of the many issues that I have with religion and enlightenment. it's one of the reasons religion has been called the opiate of the masses. it's one of the things I found sad about [person you don't know] working the day his sister died in a car crash.
I want to feel sad, angry, bitter, etc, from time to time (but not for too long). It reminds me that I am (what's a fancy word for it) er, let's just say, "human".
I like all that eastern philosophy stuff, and try to apply some of it to my life, but I can only take it so far. What fun would life be without some negative emotions? Well I can tell you we wouldn't have Grandaddy, Nick Cave, or The Rolling Stones. I can also imagine our book cases would be pretty empty. And movies? No "The Wrestler"? I try to imagine a life where I don't occasionally retreat to Prince 'O Wales to drown my bad day in Bud & hot wings and it makes me shudder. That would suck.
So if you are looking for the advice from a guy that doesn't wear an orange robe, I say just "do your thing" (great song btw).
You should add the remake of Razor's Edge (with Bill Murray) to Netflix. My favorite quote from that movie, "It's easy to be a holy man on top of a mountain".

I highly recommend getting a Guy of your own, but in this tough economy I would be willing to loan you mine in exchange for food and beverage.

I challenged myself and started a journey.

To say I am not a religious person is a serious understatement. I was “raised” by a man who on any given day was an Atheist, a Buddhist or a follower of the religion of Rock n Roll (his words). Religion scares the hell out of me. I get terrible anxiety when I am in a church. I get angry and/or totally shut down when people try and talk to me about religion. Sometimes I look at religious people and think “Wow, they are really lucky; they have found a way to deal with/understand/cope with (insert whatever thing I happen to be struggling with at the time). They have a place to gather with like-minded seekers and connect on a level totally foreign to me. Other times I look at them and think – what a bunch of fucking lemmings.

That being said.

Sometimes I get curious. Sometimes I want to know if there is a place out there where I can go and find answers to my questions and I can stay for longer than 45 minutes and don’t have a $40 co-pay.


I’ve been researching where such a place might be. My semi-weekly, and highly respected, recipient of aforementioned co-pay has for many years recommended a place in the Palisades. I’ve looked at their site at least 50 times and have never summoned the courage to actually go. But – she has also been asking me to challenge myself. So, in the interest of getting my money’s worth I actually made a plan to go, and not only that, I went. Guy and I have been talking about getting active, getting outside and going hiking. So I thought – we can go get our preach on and then go talk about what we thought of it while hiking. We got up at 7AM, packed a picnic and went to get spiritual. (on Super Bowl Sunday even!)

If you want to stop reading now, the end result was kind of – meh.

We got there early (of course) and as we sat waiting for the sermon to begin I started to get anxious. Guy laughed at me. I pretended to be mad but was glad that he helped me realize I should just laugh at myself. That being in the presence of something spiritual was ok and not anything to be anxious about.

When we went into the temple I quickly had one answer to my search. I immediately understood that I have no interest AT ALL in worshipping one man as a God. I also am fine with chanting but I don’t want to speak to my Lord or say amen or ask someone’s heavenly father for anything. People were worshipping/idolizing/praying to the guru. No thanks. I’m sure he’s a lovely and gifted man who can bring guidance. But I will not treat him as anything more than a respected human. If I am going to bow to one man, I will bow to all men.

The service opened with a chant, which was very nice, thankfully we were sitting near people with excellent singing voices. Then there was a prayer. Oy. Then announcements (mmmm… no, I will not be going to the tea social), then some very nice lady talking about volunteering (I think). Then a brief meditation (that was nice, except Guy kept fidgeting and distracting me away from my 3rd eye). Then the sermon (more on that later). Then, umm, another chant? (Not quite as nice, but still ok). Then a weird pause where I wasn’t sure if people were going to leave because there was a lot of bustling. The bustling was everyone getting their donations ready for the prayer. Then the basket got passed. Then another prayer. And that was it.

The chants and the prayers just had too much God. God this, God that. God God God. (Marcia Marcia Marcia) I am just not sure who they mean when they said God. They seem pretty open minded and also tossed in a lot of “OMs” during the prayer and the chant – so is God whoever/ whatever I want God to be? Is God the man in the framed picture at the front of the temple who people have been bowing too? Is God the guy that helped us park?

I did really enjoy the meditation and the sermon though. The theme was “Happy at Will” (or Happy On Demand if you’re a tv addict). I really enjoyed hearing about how to not let other people’s negativity and bad moods affect me. I always seem to absorb the energy of the people around me. That’s always been a challenge for me. I will definitely take some of the teachings from today’s sermon and try to apply it in my life. It was all very obvious and nothing I had not heard before. It’s like a spiritual GPS. I know where I need to go, I just forget how to get there sometimes and I like having that voice remind of the path (and let me know if there will be traffic on the way).

In case you are curious, the 3 ways to Happy on Demand are 1) the mood thing, don't be a puppet to other people and let them influence you 2) give 3) meditate deeper today than you did yesterday - 3 will be easier if Guy is not sitting next to you. There was a lot more to it, obviously. But I am not your guru so I cannot tell you how to find Happiness At Will. You gotta get up at 7 and drive to the Palisades yourself.

If I ever go back again, and I probably will, I will definitely try to figure out who they mean by God before I go. And I will take singles because I think $5 is too much. And I will go to the 11am service, because apparently that’s when the famous people go.

I totally think it was worth it to go though. I challenged myself. Was able to cross one place off my list to look for answers and it got me to use the right side of my brain. Most Sundays I would be on the couch watching tv and thinking about how I should update my blog or do some “actual” writing. I was inspired enough to sit down IMMEDIATELY when I got home and write about my experience. So, for that I guess the $5 was worth it.