It was time to move. Here's my new address!

I like Insufficient Focus. Cause it's sooo accurate. But it's easy to misspell and is kind of a hand cramp to type it all out. You would be amazed at the people who don't bookmark.

Until I get bored in my new address and decide to come back here you can find random thoughts and distractions over at

hopefully the 3 people who read me in Google Reader will update. please please please...

dare you! and by you I mean me.

I've had this one in my drafts for a while. I've been afraid to commit. I get like that. Afraid. Of commitment. Don't tell husband.

ANYWAY - it's been in my drafts for so long that I can't remember where I found the link to begin with, I THINK it was from Liz. Seems like a Liz thing. And I mean that with the craziest amount of respect possible. Leave me a comment if you also linked to this site so my 12 readers will know who else rocks my world in the creativity department.


Here's the thing. I like lists. I am trying to get my crafty on because I need even more distractions from my laundry (sarcasm) and I also feel like my brain is going (abso-fucking-lutely true). This list is perfect because it's A) a list, B) crafty and C) inspiring. It should totally keep my brain going for a bit... And by publishing it here, out loud, I am committing to doing these things. right? I think I will do them in order. hmm. Except that walking is SUPER boring. Hmmm. maybe I will do them in reverse order? No. IN ORDER. 1 per week. How hard is that right? I. Can.Do.It.

1 per week. Starting next week because walking is boring. Also, I don't really like poetry. So week 5 is gunna be tough. Also, this list is 100 things long. So I am making a 2 year commitment. sigh. See the first sentence. I.CAN.DO.IT. Also, when it says "draw" I probably won't draw. I suck at drawing. Maybe YOU can do some of the things on here, write about it, email it to me and I will post it on your behalf. We'll get through the list super fast. Just don't do any of the ones I want. Do the (hard) drawing ones. And the walking ones. Email to insufficientfocus at gmail dot com.

i can do it?

The List. by Keri Smith. Author. Illustrator. Guerilla Artist.

1. Go for a walk. Draw or list things you find on the the sidewalk. 2. Write a letter to yourself in the future. 3. Buy something inexpensive as a symbol for your need to create, (new pen, a tea cup, journal). Use it everyday. 4. Draw your dinner. 5. Find a piece of poetry you respond to. Rewrite it and glue it into your journal. 6. Glue an envelope into your journal. For one week collect items you find on the street. 7. Expose yourself to a new artist, (go to a gallery, or in a book.) Write about what moves you about it. 8. Find a photo of a person you do not know. Write a brief bio about them. 9. Spend a day drawing only red things. 10. Draw your bike. 11. Make a list of everything you buy in the next week. 12. Make a map of everywhere you went in one day. 13. Draw a map of the creases on your hand, (knuckles, palm) 14. Trace your footsteps with chalk. 15. Record an overheard conversation. 16. Trace the path of the moon in relation to where you live. 17. Go to a paint store. Collect 'chips' of all your favorite colors. 18. Draw your favorite tree. 19. Take 15 minutes to eat an orange. 20. Write a haiku. 21. Hang upside down for five minutes. 22. Hang found objects from tree branches. 23. Make a puppet. 24. Create an outdoor room from things you find in nature. 25. Read a book in one day. 26. Illustrate your grocery list. 27. Read a story out loud to a friend. 28. Write a letter to someone you admire. 29. Study the face of someone you do not like. 30. Make a meal based on a color theme. (i.e. all white). 31. Creat a museum of very small things. 32. List the smells in your neighborhood. 33. List 100 uses for a tin can. 34. Fill an entire page in your jounral with small circles. Color them in. 35. Give away something you love. 36. Choose an object, draw the side you can't see. 37. List all of the places you've ever lived. 38. Describe your favourite room in detail. 39. Write about your relationship with your washing machine. 40. Draw all of the things in your purse/bag. 41. Make a mini book based on the theme, "my grocery list". 42. Create a character based on someone you know. Write a list of personality traits. 43. Recall your favorite childhood game. 44. Put postcards of art pieces/painting on the inside of your kitchen cupboard doors, so you can see them everyday (but not become deaf to them.) 45. Draw the same object every day for a week. 46. Write in your journal using a different medium (brush & ink, charcoal, old typewriter, crayons, fat markers. 47. Draw the individual items of your favorite outfit. 48. Make a useful item using only paper & tape. 49. Research a celebration or ritual from another culture. 50. Do a temporary art installation using a pad of post it notes & a pen. 51. Draw a map of your favorite sitting spots in your town/city. (photocopy it and give it to someone you like.) 52. Record all of the sounds you hear in the course of one hours. 53. Using a grid, collect various textures from magazine and play them off of each other. 54. Cut out all media for one day. Write about the effects. 55. Make pencil rubbings of six different surfaces. 56. Draw your garbage. 57. Do a morning collage. 58. List your ten most important things, (not including animals or people.) 59. List ten things you would like to do every day. 60. Glue a photo of yourself as a child into your journal. 61. Trasform some garbage. 62. Write an entry in your journal in really LARGE letters. 63. Collect some 'flat' things in nature (leaves, flowers). Glue or tape them into your journal. 64. Physically alter a page. (i.e. cut a hole, pour tea on it, burn it, fold it, etc.) 65. Find several color combinations you respond to in public. Document them using swatches, write where you found them. 66. Write a journal entry describing something "secret". Cut it up into several pieces and glue them back in scrambled. 67. Record descriptions or definitions of subjects or words you are interested in, found in encyclopedias or dictionaries. 68. Draw the outline of an object without looking at the page. (contour drawing). 69. What were you thinking just now? write it down. 70. Do nothing. 71. Write a list of ten things you could to do. Do the last thing on the list. 72. Create an image using dots. 73. Do 3 drawings at different speeds. 74. Put a small object in your left pocket (or in a bag), Put your left hand in the pocket. Draw it by feel. 75. Create a graph documenting or measuring something in your life. 76. Draw the sun. 77. Create instructions for a simple everyday task. 78. Make prints using food. (fruit and vegetables cut in half, fish, etc.) 79. Find a photo. Alter it by drawing over it. 80. Write a letter using an unconventional medium. 81. Draw one object for twenty minutes. 82. Combine two activities that have not been combined before. 83. Write about your day in an encyclopedic fashion. (i.e. organize by subject.) 84. Write a list of all the things you do to escape. 85. Cut a random shape out of several layers of a magazine. Make a collage out of the results. 86. Write an entry in code. 87. Make a painting using tools from the bathroom. 88. Work with a medium that is subtractive. 89. Write about or draw some of the doors in your life. 90. Make a postcard that has some kind of activity on it. 91. Divise a journal entry using "layers". 92. Divise an entry using "layers". 93. Write your own definition of one of the following concepts, sitting, waiting, sleeping (without using the actual word.) 94. List 10 of your habits. 95. Illustrate the concept of "simplicity".

shit, I don't know what subtractive means.

Dangerous Neighbors, Hal Fishman, and German automobiles.

Today in LA there was a standoff between the poeleece and some dude. I never met the dude. I can't say anything about him. Other people who may or may not have met the dude think it's cool to say things about him. Private, gossipy things. And my local newspapers think it's cool to report this nonsense as news.

The Daily Breeze said:
"Neighbors who did not want to be identified said ____ "sounds like he could be dangerous," but he has never caused any significant trouble for them.

"He's got issues. He doesn't take his medication, he doesn't do that well," a neighbor said."

Yeh, I'm pretty sure Thelma next door is an expert on mental health.

Also, this was from an article called: "Westchester neighbors say standoff suspect needs meds for mental issues"

I'm sorry - but who the fuck cares what the neighbors think? Get a freaking doctor on the phone. Get HIS doctor. But they can't. If someone who actually knows something about this man cannot talk to the news nobody should. And why is this its OWN story? Good grief people - are we THAT desperate for entertainment?

And BTW, where is the follow-up mention from the neighbors of what they did to help this man if he was doing so poorly. Love thy neighbor and all the biblical bullshit? I guess gossip about and slander thy neighbor is good enough. I thought that was only ok when you did it on Sundays. And on the 7th day they talked shit? no?

Ok - so you say, well it's the Daily Breeze, circulation South Bay, what do you expect. Right. Well I went looking for ACTUAL NEWS and headed over to**** and, lemme tell ya, Hal Fishman is sooo rolling over in his grave** because freaking KTLA cited The Daily Breeze. They did say that the police "would not publicly identify" the suspect but apparently KTLA, who is owned by the Tribune Company who also owns the LA Times*, was not bothered by that and cited the Daily Breeze for providing it - along with more genius quotes from nosy neighbors.

Also, they did not spell Volkswagen correctly.

I guess my point is - don't talk about things or people you know nothing about. Sorry, Thelma, I guess I just assumed you don't know anything about mental health and that you don't have an actual job because you were free in the middle of the afternoon to talk to "reporters" - maybe you work from home. Maybe you are a therapist who works from home. Maybe you are *his* therapist and that is why you didn't want to be identified. Yeh - I'm gunna go with that.

--- uh, also KTLA just updated their story - but they didn't actually change anything in the story they only changed the title to say that he is in custody. The neighborhood still thinks he is dangerous. By the time you click on the link the story will probably be different and Volkswagen will probably be spelled correctly. Trust me it was all there. The neighbors might say I'm crazy but I know typos when I see 'em. (note, I did not proof read this post. Do as I say, not as I do.)

* see, in my head, since the Tribune Company owns both LA Times and KTLA, KTLA should be more reputable. Although I have not read the Times in a while***, so who knows how reputable they actually are.
** I dunno maybe he was cremated, he seems like an open-minded guy.
***I am NOT renewing my subscription stop calling me.
****I don't know why I thought this was "actual news". I think I was looking for a video of his car being rammed.

Superstitions save more than just baseball games.

I am really sort of superstitious. If I allowed myself I could easily never step on a crack or wake up at 6:30 am again (9/11). ANNND Since I have enough cute little quirks I don't have a lot of extra time to freak out about weird and seemingly random shit and I need to really focus my crazies. Some things cannot be ignored though.

Many years ago I had the wooooorst stomach ache. I was totally convinced it was gas (sexy) or stress (because husband has me convinced that every ailment is stress related). It hurt so bad I could barely walk, let alone drive, and had to get a ride to work (oh, conservation!). I snapped at my boss (she deserved it). I couldn't eat or sleep for 2 days. And I was just generally miserable (along with everyone around me). I was IM'ing with a good friend about my aches and pains and somehow over IM we decided that I should go across the street from my office to Sav-On and get a snack and some Gas-X. After the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and pills didn't work I FINALLY called my doctor who told me to go straight to the emergency room. So I IM'd my friend again and asked her if she could take me to the ER at around 8 that night (apparently when my doctor says "immediately" I hear "In 5 hours") because Future-husband-to-be had a hockey game and we didn't think it would be worth it for him to miss it just because I had tummy ache. Turned out I had a benign tumor the size of 2 softballs. No shit. I TOTALLY blamed Sav-On. Every time I went into the Sav-On or drove past ANY Sav-On I blamed them for my tumor. Those Peanut Butter cups gave me a TUMOR! (I did not, however, stop eating peanut butter cups. It wasn't their fault, it was Sav-On's fault.)

And today I saw a tweet about the scammers at the Jiffy Lube on Pico and Cloverfield. Ugh. That Jiffy Lube. A couple years back I was pregnant for like 65 seconds and that Jiffy Lube was one of the last places we went while I was still pg. I completely and totally blame that Jiffy Lube for causing that miscarriage. Not because of fumes, or toxins or poor customer service. For absolutely no other reason than I went there and something bad happened right after. Stupid Jiffy Lube.

Actually. Now that I think of it. Jiffy Lube and Sav-On had to be in cahoots. Because of the tumor I got at Sav-On I lost one my ovaries. And even though the doctors' say that has absolutely nothing to do with fertility or reproduction I just refuse to believe that could be true and I know that my LAUSD health classes have taught me more than their med-school-ing, even though I didn't actually *pay attention* in school and especially in health class. Except when they talked about how snorting drugs will make your nose disappear - that shit totally scared me straight.

Moral of the story - don't go to drug stores and don't get your oil changed and you will live a long, healthy life with all of your ovaries. Even if you're a dude.

Sometimes the pressure to come up with a snappy title is just too much

Man, I was on a roll for a while there. Random thoughts left and right. Up and down. Forwards. Backwards. Upside down you turn me??

Totally lost my mojo after that "hey, you can call me Webster because I totally redefined 'creativy' based on what *I* think is creative even though the most creative thing I have done this year is decide on what to have for lunch" incident.

Time heals. Random thoughts starting to pop up again and the urge to whack them back down is lessening.

You've been warned.

Wood you like some paper?

I saw these cards at Borders recently and instantly and seriously fell in love with them. They're WOOD dudes!

I want them all...

Night Owl Paper Goods. Love.

for real. it doesn't get any sweeter.

creative: resulting from originality of thought, expression, etc.; imaginative

Today someone told me that they thought one of the, uh, methods I use as a creative outlet was, in fact, not creative. That's weird. I mean wouldn't I know what my creative outlets are? Isn't that one of those things that's subjective? We don't have to all think alike do we? We don't have to all like and do the same things right? I mean, isn't it BETTER that we don't all love the same restaurants (imagine the wait for a table), the same bands (I don't like those big venues), the same shoes (hard enough to find your size). Imagine how much harder it would be to find a significant other if we ALL found the exact same qualities in a person attractive.

Be strong. Be different. Be creative. It's scary but critics can't matter when you are answering your calling*. If the comments are not constructive, if they are not from a loving place, don't listen. Unless your creative outlet is stealing, murdering, raping, or lobbying for high fructose corn syrup have the fuck at it. If they don't like what you create they can ignore it.

*no, Twitter is not "my calling" I'm making a bigger point here. sheesh.

I can probably pour milk on my own, right?

My husband cooks. Yep. That's right. COOKS! And he kicks ass at it too. Even if it's "just" salad or heating some leftovers - he has the magic touch for real.

The biggest mistake I can make is to not make plans when he is out of town. Like Wednesday night. He was gone for just one night. I thought: "easy. I can make a baked potato. Eat in. Get to bed early. Piece-o-pie."


I SWEAR, all I did was heat, in the oven (recommended) some frozen veggie chicken patties and heat, in the microwave, a baked potato. Yeh Yeh - I know, the oven is better but the chickies were already in there and, bitch please, I do not have the patience to wait an hour for a potato. The chicken was meh - was ok I guess for fake chicken. I think it had freezer burn - it tasted like it had come out of the microwave - mushy and not cooked enough but still hot. And the damn potato was overcooked! AND I burned my thumb on the damn plate.

Cereal or eat out with the girls from now on. That's it. No more of this "cooking" stuff for me.

A few more words about 500 Days of Summer

Some things I meant to say in my "review" and totally forgot because I was too busy being out of focus.

1) Here is a really cool guide to the locations visited in the movie.

LAist Map of the Day: The Landmarks of 500 Days of Summer

2) At the Century City showing we saw what is possibly the saddest movie trailer in the history of movie trailers. I do not cry at movies. I hardly cry at all. That would require a heart. And emotions. ANYWAY - I cried. It sooo hit home for me, but even my friend who comes from a "good, loving home" was reaching for the tissues. It is executive produced by Oprah & Tyler Perry (say what?) and was a Sundance film that earned a gang of awards and was described in one review "perversely gloomy." Fuck yeh. I. cannot. wait. to see it, and I am already prepared for the complete and total emotional breakdown I am going to have after I see it. We all need goals right! Man, between this movie and The Road - I am looking forward to drinking very heavily those few months.

Get your tissues. Check it: Precious.

50 words about 500 days

(500) Days of Summer. A review in 50 words (not counting the last 13)

I like the new M. Ward CD (music is subjective, fuck off). M. Ward likes Zooey Deschanel. So I go see her new movie.* I really liked it! I thought it was super cute. I want to work at a greeting card company that plays Black Lips at their parties.

* this makes complete sense in my brain. Also, this sentence doesn't apply to the count - because whenever you see "*" on here you should immediately stop reading because it means I am losing my mind. and my focus.
oh also, the soundtrack was really good.


San Diego Comic-Con 2009.
Let's get to it bitches. A quick review of SDCC09

1) This year the crowds were INSANE. You really need to feel love for your fellow man and your Action Figure collection to brave these crowds. And it is not just in the convention center and the 45 minute wait for an Iced Grande Soy Caramel Latte I am talking about, it's all over the Gas Lamp. Someone was saying they had to wait an hour for a Subway sandwich. SUBWAY! AN HOUR! Eat Fresh?! What?

2) There were some cool exclusives - I am sure I don't need to tell you that! You are a fan. A collector! You knew months ago about the Jason Voorhees Bust with removable mask, limited to 400 at the Con right? riiight? Oh you were coming here to start your collection. Got it.

3) The Sideshow Collectibles booth was amazing.

4) Panels - there were some really cool ones. The lines were suuuuper long. You have to really want to have your picture taken by Neil Gaiman. Hopefully you didn't even go to the Twilight panel without a 2 day supply of food and a sleeping bag.

5) there were people in crazy costumes! Hey look a Storm Trooper!

6) The free wi-fi was a nice touch! thank you convention center.

So there you have it. Another year down! See ya next year!

Full disclosure: I didn't actually go this year. It really is basically the same every year except that it gets a little more crowded and a lot douchier. My back is messed up right now so I just couldn't get my head around driving 2 uncomfortable hours in the car to walk around a bazillion square foot convention center through the CRAZY crowds and the "fans" ---

A text I got from a friend that pretty much sums up my feelings: "Dear people who think this is cool: Stop coming. There are too many of you and you're ruining it for me"

There are lots of people who actually WANT to come here for more than just to say that they went. When Newsweek is doing an article about how to "look like a real fan" you know it is out of control. And the people who make fun of those women, and men, in Wonder Women costumes and talk about all of the "freaks" should really just stay home. This is not for you. It's totally jumped the shark. No longer cool. See there. It's not cool - so why would you go? You can find the exclusives online. You can watch the panels on YouTube. You can watch coverage on G4. Leave the looking like "real fans" to the real fans. There are not enough hotel rooms to go around.

See you freaks next year!

Hush Hush. Keep it down now.

You know how people (and by people I mean therapists) suggest that if something is on your mind or if you have something to say to someone that you should write them a letter, you don't even have to send it - you can throw it away, but the point, I guess, is to just get it off your mind.

I totally just did that! My "people" would be so proud. But I did it on email. So that I can just delete it instead of throwing the piece of paper away, trying to cut down on waste, y'know. And I didn't input the person's name because I didn't want to accidentally hit "send" - here is the letter in case you need to use it in your office.

From: Me!
Date: really, every day.
Subject: Have you heard that song Voices Carry?


Best Regards.
Looking frantically for my earphones.

Ow. My eyes.

There should be a maximum number of fonts and styles in one email.

I don't want to promote violence but you sort of deserve a slap to the back of your head if your signature formatting is 4 lines with

Arial Bold in 10pt in black
Arial Bold in 10pt in red
Arial Bold in 10pt in blue
Arial regular in 10pt in black
Trebuchet MS bold italic in 10
Book Antiqua regular, italics, in 10pt in black

and you are writing your emails in Tahoma regular blue, 10 pt

I beg - please stop assaulting my eyes. I get headaches. Really bad ones. Your abuse of formatting is not helping. I would like to appeal to Microsoft to add one of those cute, but annoying, little animated characters that pop up when you are nearing the limit of fonts that common sense and consideration for your fellow man dictate

What should the max be? I dunno. 2? 3? It's like - there isn't a rule - but you know it when you see it. Six is too many.

mmmm? - eh.

So there is a new(ish) restaurant in town with a fancy name and bright colors. I want to like it SO BAD. It's got outdoor seating (bring your dogs!), dark wood interior, sangria (!!), takes online reservations (cuz, y'know I am afraid of talking on the phone), there are lots of friendly servers, and it has a well designed website and menu. In my quest to force it into being my new favorite restaurant I've gone there 4 times in the last month.

La Grande Orange. A failed love story.

First visit:
breakfast: hash browns, huevos rancheros, latte.
The foam on the latte was beautiful and decent. The hash browns were greasy and delicious. And the huevos rancheros needed salt.

Second visit:
breakfast: egg salad sandwich, hash browns, orange juice.
The OJ was fresh squeezed and yum!
Hash browns were a little greasier this time. Still didn't stop me from plowing through them. The egg salad needed a lot of salt.

Third visit:
dinner: Sweet potato roll, Seared Ahi Tuna Tacos, red sangria.
The roll - omg. Soooo good. The "seared" ahi tacos were completely cooked and flavorless. The person I was with also ordered them and hers came with a side of mayo instead whatever more appropriate but completely forgettable condiment mine came with. It was just a mistake but it was kind of nasty for her to dunk it in the mayo. (unless you like mayo. then you would have been happy.)

The red sangria, along with the LGO cocktail she had were both really really good. They also have white sangria during the summer.

Fourth visit:
dinner: Sweet potato roll, miso-glazed salmon roll, crunchy tuna roll, red sangria and my friend had turkey meatloaf and a decaf coffee (uh? What?) and warm cookie with ice cream.

Again, the sweet potato roll was really good, altho not as good as the first time. The salmon roll is their "signature" roll and it was just ok. The crunchy tuna roll was equally meh. Her turkey meatloaf looked just like very thin lunch meat style slices of turkey COVERED in gravy (this is bad, unless of course you like your food to be drowned. you probably also like mayo. whatever drowns your boat.). She thought her coffee was bitter. And for desert she didn't think the teeny scoop of ice cream was worth an extra buck.

They say it's all seasonal and organic. And I am pretty sure they shop at the local farmer's markets - all of these things are a yay. Their food is just really underwhelming.

I think it is a fine place. Food is very average and very bland - so keep the salt close! I like the atmosphere and will continue to go back and try new things. It's a great place if you want to take visitors who are used to bland chain restaurants (I'm talking to you Cheesecake Factory) but want to try something in Santa Monica before you stroll them down Main St.

La Grande Orange
2000 Main St
SM CA 90405

Things I did not complain about today.

The strong smell of perfume. Maybe some people like that.

People saying "ok, well let me know" after you already tell them that you are looking into something for them.


I pulled like 6 loose hairs off my shirt. I'm going bald.

The fact that most people spell Comic-Con incorrectly. Comicon. ComiCon.

How FULL I was after lunch.

My back

That sound. WHAT THE HELL WASS THAT SOUND? I had to go and find it

The fact that I found the source of the sound and the person is not there to turn it off and it's impossible to access.

People who don't know when to stop talking

Getting a meeting invite at 1:59 when the meeting is scheduled for 2

"miso" and "huevos" not being in the Outlook dictionary

People who don't publish the whole stories in feed readers. They only publish the headline for for first few lines - NO!

That voice. You know the one.

Who doesn't love a circus!

Lately I have been thinking to myself "We really need to get to the circus more." I used to go to Ringling Bros as a kid. But nowadays I have concerns about the treatment of the animals, my husband is afraid of clowns, and there are like a lot of kids and it's probably looked down upon to go to the circus just to drink.

Luckily for me there is a new circus in town. Cirque Berzerk! So we grabbed a coupla good friends, hydrated and made our way downtown. The CB peeps describe their show as:

"From stilt walkers to aerialists to punk rock clowns to pro riggers, we work together as a cohesive unit to produce visions of sexy fiery burlesque, dramatic flight and vaudevillian tomfoolery. Cirque Berzerk works with both contemporary music as well as it’s own originally produced score. "

My 10 word review: I liked it. Recommend for sure. Could use more edge.

One of the men in our group provided this 2 word review: needs boobs.
(the other man in our group agreed)

It was lots of fun! I highly encourage making a trip downtown, having a tasty dinner and 7 or 8 beers before the show, getting there a little early to enjoy the "pre-party" and more drinks (I can't encourage beer, they only had Red Stripe and Miller Lite). And planning to stay a little late for the after-party where the performers come out to party.

If you are going to the show here are three important reminders:

- your feet will get dirty. Wear super fancy or open toe shows with caution.

- if you try to clap your hands while holding a vodka tonic it WILL spill down the front of your shirt, even if you pay $2 more for Belvedere.

- bring cash so that you can get your "Safety Third" shirt.

Life lesson learned from the show:
You do not have to be insanely or grotesquely thin to be a performer - but you do probably need to do a lot of yoga and stretching.

Pics and reviews:


LA Weekly



Flikr pics

Oh, AND they have partnered with the Chrysalis group to provide jobs for the homeless. Come on now. That's awesome.

UPDATE: The husband would like you to know that he is not "afraid" of clowns. He just hates them because they are "evil" - noted.

pretend you're not worried about your job

A couple of months ago we went to some craft fair at the California Market Center and I suck because I TOTALLY CANNOT REMEMBER THE NAME OF IT!!! dernnit. I can tell you that Intelligentsia was there making tasty coffee, next to them was a stand selling cupcakes, and it was pretty big, with several hundred vendors. Oh and it wasn't your gramma's kind of craft fair. It was all hip and shit. I mean, not to say that your gramma wasn't hip. She could have been. Mine kind of was. She ran a burlesque club. And also worked loading trucks for Pabst. She also had no crafting talents AT ALL and even fewer ways of expressing love.*


If you have some disposable income and your walls need a little newness or you need a card to send, I highly recommend checking out these two businesses that were selling at [?] Show. I really liked their stuff a lot. Made me wish I had more money. And more walls.

* for you new moms out there, the inability to express love is not hip. But your kid will probably look to arts, music and similarly fucked friends for approval and therefore could end up sort of hip. So either love your kid a lot and get a cheerleader** or never hug them and get a Picasso***** or a Kurt Cobain. It's up to you. ***

** not that there is anything necessarily wrong with cheerleaders. I'm speaking in stereotypes here, people.

***don't listen to me. I have cats.

*****I actually know absolutely nothing about Picasso. I am just assuming based on the beauty he created that he was sort of tortured and not hugged much, plus it was, what, like the 1800s when he was a kid, probably no one hugged back then. Wow. What has happened to this post? Go to those links. Buy their shit.

I'm Dumb. Bastille Day

So, if it wasn't for a few restaurants around town celebrating with wine I totally would not have known it was Bastille Day on July 14. I said to someone, who doesn't even drink, "Oh, it's Bastille Day" and they must have an "I'm Dumb" section on their blog too because they said "What's Bastille Day?." And I had absolutely. no. idea. But I do know where you could have got wine specials had I posted this two days ago.


According to the know-it-alls that contribute to Wikipedia, Bastille Day is:
  • A French Holiday (knew that)
  • There is a parade. (could have guessed that - there are probably fireworks too)
  • Allie's get invited to the parade. hm. Was King Obama there? hm. Are they still mad over that whole "Iraq" thing? Was he unable to get on to the evite on his BlackBerry? And now France is all "HE DIDN'T EVEN VIEW IT!"
  • This shit has been celebrated for like hundreds of years.
  • A bunch of dudes (presumably) rushed a prison that only had 7 insignificant inmates (I'm sure they were significant to SOMEONE)
  • it's like their 4th of July. Minus the rednecks. eh, too many words. read it here.

I wonder if people wonder about July 4th? Do you think there is a French blog that wrote:
"They celebrate signing a piece of paper with hot dogs, cheap beer, and fireworks?" I think so too.

Even I can't believe this irritates me

Dear Diary,

I am distraught. I don't know what to do. See, at first when I moved to this neighborhood there was one other girl who had the same name as me. But she lives down the street in another neighborhood and when people talked about her they say her WHOLE name. So there was no mistaking who they were talking about. Then about a year ago we got ANOTHER one -- THREE! And she lives on my block. And she wears cute shoes. And then people started to assume that when they were saying my name they meant HER! BUT NO - it was me!! It took awhile for the neighborhood kids but eventually we all got it straight.

But now. I knew it was coming. The mailman came last week and asked if my name changed. *sadness* "no…" I sighed. And then today I met her. And she seems really nice. Would it be wrong of me to ask her to go by a different name? Like Ted? Oh but we already have a Ted in our neighborhood. Hmmm. Dirk… yeh, her name should be Dirk. I have to figure out a way to get her to volunteer to be called Dirk. Diary, help.

Should I change my name to Fred?

not news

So I have a rare couple of minutes before I have to leave for work - let's check the news and see what is going on in the world!

Pop stars are still dead

A woman was frightened by cricket like 50 years ago

A dermatologist has probably seen an increase in business

Drug use is on the rise - oh wait, that's just in our house - husband has a pinched nerve and was given a pharmacy to heal it.

People are still stupid enough to think Red Bulls are good for them

I don't read the news for many reasons - it's sensationalized, it's gossipy. it's not "news" - I mean the fact that CNN's top headline story is also the top story in their entertainment section should tell you something.

ok, so CNN sucks for news... let's try Reuters

Christie's has an iPhone app.


Sometimes older people die.

wow - NPR actually has a lot of news news... holy shit, it's depressing.

I'm sticking with blogs and Twitter. If something is important it will find me.

smart - fail.

One thing I am good at is beating myself up. Seriously. A pro. I am going to be having NIGHTMARES over the misuse of their/they're on the cult posting. I've been thinking about that allll day. For real.

I would like to thank my dear friend Tina for pointing out the error - it helps me to remind myself HEY DUMBSHIT WHY DON'T TRY PROOF READING FOR A CHANGE. It's like my own personal hell. It's totally karmic retribution for something I have done. I can spot an error on a billboard a mile away going 55 mph but, fucking hell, I cannot be bothered to recheck a post or an email (I am REALLY bad about checking emails before I hit ctrl+enter.)

I was hoping that writing this would just help to get it out of my system - and I totally think it worked! sweet...

Oh fuck - I literally just almost hit PUBLISH without reading... ok. hang on. Alright, good thing I did - I found something... publishing in 3.2.1...

PS - If you spot an error feel free to email me - not comment. :) And I don't mean like "hey bitch you missed a comma" or "that should be a semi colon not colon colon" or "what's with the love of the ellipses, it's kind of annoying and actually you're not even using it correctly" "- those things I just don't have time for. I mean important things like "A lot is TWO words dumbshit" or "Hey, brainiac you spelled Guy's name wrong" - we all have our cute little quirks right??

My husband rules

We just had this exact exchange:

Him: You writin' a blog?
Me: Uh huh
H:What's it about?
M: cults
H: cults?
M: uhhuh
H: okee doke, I'm gunna call my mom.

to cult or not to cult

So, I read a lot of blogs. Like, a lot. I read a lot of random blogs about a lot of random subjects. My RSS feed (which does not actually contain any "news" sources) and Twitter are how I get my news. It works for me. So. One of the blogs I read is called Progressive Buddhism (shut up) and I was just reading an article called "The Danger of Cults to Buddhism" and by "reading" I mean skimming, reading the first sentence of each paragraph and maybe a little more along the way. (I don't have a lot of time, y'know, I got blogs to read). And I was SORT of excited to read this one, since I have thought about cults a lot lately (don't ask), but like 1/3 through the article I got all annoyed, posted a Facebook message about it and started to go to the next story in the Reader. But. Then I went back to it..

Briefly, I re-read this...
You might be a cult if:

If bizarre rituals are required by members, including any type of sexual act in order to fulfill some teaching or favor, then it is a cult. If large amounts of money or material items are required to gain favor, or to learn some teaching, then it is a cult. If the 'leader' claims to be a messenger from God or be some infallible prophet or some other mystical cosmic force, then it’s a safe bet it’s a cult. If they have 'secret' teachings or different levels of rank only obtainable through money or other types of personal consideration, and these secrets aren't open to scrutiny, then its probably a cult. If their main concern is to maintain allegiance to one or a few 'leaders' despite the needs of its followers, then it’s probably a cult. If wisdom, understanding and compassion are not given freely, with no strings attached, (with the possible exception of the request for nominal voluntary donations), then it probably is a cult.

Then I wondered what the actually definition of a cult is:
According to Merriam-Webster
1: formal religious veneration : worship
2: a system of religious beliefs and ritual ; also : its body of adherents
3: a religion regarded as unorthodox or spurious ; also : its body of adherents
4: a system for the cure of disease based on dogma set forth by its promulgator
5 a: great devotion to a person, idea, object, movement, or work (as a film or book) ; especially : such devotion regarded as a literary or intellectual fad b: the object of such devotion c: a usually small group of people characterized by such devotion

I dunno. Maybe I'm spending too much time inside but the actual definition doesn't seem THAT bad to me - I mean, relative to other things about religion. Aren't even some "normal" religions kind of "unorthodox"??

I mean, it's kind of subjective right? As long as no one gets hurt, who the fuck cares if someone, even a "progressive buddhist" thinks you're in a "cult" - obviously there has been a lot of publicized tragedy surrounding "cults" and I would never encourage anyone to do harm but can't a lot of those things above from the Progressive Buddhist article be applied to other, "normal" religions? I mean, everything at one point was something new, different and scary right?

So, like, hear me out for a second (or just stop reading, really I couldn't care less*)--

Take this one:
"If wisdom, understanding and compassion are not given freely, with no strings attached, ... then it probably is a cult." - what about the understanding for gays and lesbians? What about the compassion for the poor, homeless, out of work or just poverty level workers, in our country. I don't see many blogs from the religious right showing pictures of them wearing their rainbow flag togas marching in gay pride parades. Or even allowing basic rights, like, oh, marriage. I see a lot of God-fearing powerful men wanting to remove welfare programs. How is that compassionate? Would people consider their religions "cults"?

and, "if the 'leader' claims to be a messenger from God or be some infallible prophet or some other mystical cosmic force, then it’s a safe bet it’s a cult." - um hello, Jesus?

Now, I will be the first to admit that I know almost nothing about religions. or cults. But me thinks that as long as someone isn't telling you chop off bunny heads, give your entire salary to dump rocky road ice cream in the rivers, or rape bottle-nose dolphins for salvation, adults should be able to make decisions on their own about how they choose to worship, or not worship. Don't hurt anybody. Don't be a douchebag. Don't force your beliefs on me. But beyond that. Whatev.

*-note that I could NOT care less.. as opposed to COULD care less. That is totally one of my pet peeves.

UPDATE!! ok, man, I totally did not edit (OBviously - there are too many words here) and I totally did not proof read so thanks to TB for pointing out my using they're instead of their - yikes. sorry. hate that.

yeh, I'm kinda tired

So... for like TEN WHOLE DAYS, I was all working out a lot - like everyday... like at all of the gyms I belong to (except one), like at yoga studios, like EVEN doing online yoga AT HOME... I was alll motivated and shit.

And there are a few reasons for my sudden motivation but honestly one of the biggest ones is because I thought it would help increase my energy level so that I could get all kinds of stuff done and not be so darn tired at the end of the day. I ALSO thought that because my energy level would be up that, for some reason, I would need less sleep.

This is how it went in my head:
1) raise energy.
2) combat laziness and fatigue.
3) need less sleep
4) get shit done.

but then.

I saw something online (that I can't link to because I immediately closed the browser hoping it wasn't true but it's been haunting me ever since) that said athletes need 7 to 8 hours of sleep A NIGHT! wait. what? How can that be? How can my body be all exercised and lean and efficient and need MORE time to rest.

fuck, man.

that blows.

Anyway, now I'm having back issues and can't go to yoga and was told to do low impact boring shit for EIGHT WEEKS AND I still probably need 8 freaking hours a night to "heal." It's a lose lose not get shit done kind of scenario.


I don't have THE link, but there is plenty online. read it. not lying. it says I need MORE sleep. I just don't know how that can be.

It's easy!

Without trying too hard you could easily come up with twenty or thirty thousand things people can do to ruin your day. I have two basic things that everyone can do to improve the lives of their fellow humans. There are the really obvious ones like don't kill - which I'm just going to assume are a given and will ignore. The two things that every person should do if they care AT ALL about not being an asshole:

1) Don't smell. Leave the smelling to the homeless. They don't have a shower, or a home, or a job and are probably wishing for all of these things or are too crazy to know they should be. You? Take a shower. Like, not EVERYday, (I shower 6 days a week - the 7th day I get to be LAZY! It's how I treat myself -shut up- unless of course I did something to make me really sweaty, then I shower on the 7th day, but I am not happy about it.) - So - don't be smelly, this, by the way, includes wearing too much perfume, wearing clothes that smell like they were washed in a tobacco factory, etc…

2) If you are the first person person at a red light, or a turn signal, or in line at a store or restaurant and ESPECIALLY if you are in line at a coffee shop - PAY ATTENTION. I cannot emphasize this enough. As the first person in line you have a responsibility to everyone behind you to know when the light turns green, or the barista is ready for you. Do not make me miss the light because you were sending a text or putting on your makeup. Do NOT keep me from my coffee because you are daydreaming. Be conscious. Be aware of how you are affecting other people.

That's all. See how easy it is? Maybe some people just don't care - those people deserve to drive behind people going 10 miles under the speed limit, while that slow driver is texting their friends at every red light about the asshole tailgater (that's you, er, the person who doesn't care) behind them AND stand behind every smelly daydreamer at Starbucks. For eternity. That, by the way, would be my Hell. If there is a Hell I will surely be going there - I will spend eternity in a car without shocks driving behind someone applying perfume with their right hand, makeup with their left hand, texting with their toes and who just happens to be running the exact errands I am running while blasting scat. Because in Hell the only music that plays is Jazz.
And Michael Jackson.

(full disclosure: I TOTALLY text at red lights. BUT NOT WHEN I AM FIRST.)

Actually, I hardly have any time at all.

When people say "Someone has too much time on their hands." in that cutesy, snippy, voice all they are really saying is "Wow, I am totally judging that person for doing something that I cannot relate to and do not think is important." Like, right now. I actually have a ton of other things I could be, and you could say should be doing. But you know what. I want to write this. I choose to write this. I choose the way I prioritize my time. Me adult. We're all adults (I mean unless you're not - in which case you are totally not reading my blog, you're like at the mall or buying Sudafed or Oxycontin, or playing video games or having sex parties and you just happened to stumble onto my blog because you Googled Oxycontin Sex Party.) ANYWAY. My point is don't go making assumptions and judgments about how other people decide to allocate their time. My priorities are not your priorities. They are mine. And I do not have too much time. I have just enough time to jot this down as a matter of fact so suck it.

Man, lemme tell you

I am NOT going online today (except to post this), I am not going near a TV (except to watch TiVo - is Rescue Me on tonight?), I am not going near a radio (except KXLU - because they have not lost their minds, I mean, they totally have, but in a normal college kid, rock kind of way). Because I am SOOO over this whole dead MJ thing. ALLL over TV. ALL over radio (hello, my local NPR station broadcasting his memorial - et tu NPR?). The emails, the tweets, the Facebooks, the watercooler. Enough. I haven't cared about his music since I was like 10. I watched as he went from weird where-is-his-skin-color-going pale guy to creepy sleeps-in-beds-with-little-boys-and-settles-out-of-court pedoweirdo. And now all of a sudden he's a freaking saint who might get a holiday and a postage stamp? No thanks! He's dead - I'm sorry if you are in pain over it. I'm also sorry if you are one of the boys he (allegedly) molested or acted inappropriately with and now have to watch as millions celebrate his greatness while ignoring arguably more important Global issues. I'm totally not surprised by it all - but I am totally over it. Peace out. RIP motherfucker.


I am in a bookclub. This should be obvious because A) I am a woman in my mid-30s, B) I like to drink* and C) I have friends who are also A & B. and d) we all at one point either read a lot or thought it would be good for us to read (that got a little "d" because it was very minor in the decision to form a bookclub, oh the irony.).
ANYWAY - With very few exceptions we have met every month for 6 years (seriously, 6 years is impressive!!) We don't ALL always go every month and the cast members have changed a bit and we have probably all thought about dropping out at one time but it is a really great time to see our friends, eat some foods, drink some wines and relax. The thing is. We really don't read. This makes us probably A LOT like most other bookclubs who are A, B and Cs. We don't read so much that we actually started alternating bookclub and gamenight every other month. Except that we don't play games either.

So, this month we read a book. And. I actually read it. GET THE FUCK OUT! I swear. I finished it even. And I didn't even like it. Since we probably won't talk about the book tonight at our monthly meeting I thought I would give you my 20 words or less review:

Buy it used if you must read it


*- I shit you not, while I was writing this someone said to me: "You OBviously like beer and wine…"

The one where I get a little sappy and kind of judgy.

Last Friday I heard a father's day story on NPR you... it's short - go listen to it. It's very nice actually... I just had a teensy problem with the way that it ended:

"When we spend a weekend together, she often says, "I love you." But it's the look she gives me that eternally confesses her feelings. I look at my father the same way now that I know he was thinking about me all those years we were apart. I no longer see a man who did nothing for me my whole life, but a man who has always loved me.

After all, he's my father; just as I am hers."

So, what I am hearing is it's ok to be shitty because you're her father and she should love you regardless of what you do just because of it? Yeh - I don't think so.

A good father, just as a good wife, brother, friend, etc is determined, or SHOULD be determined, by more than their title and place in the household. A good father protects and provides for their son or daughter. A good father listens, supports, encourages, and teaches. A good father is patient, knows when to shut up and when to speak up. A good father is a good husband, even if that means knowing when to let his wife go. A good father is a good son. A good father is a good man.

I hate to be all conditional but let's be realistic. I hope daughters and sons all over the world love their fathers - but I hope those fathers feel like they have to earn that love. Nothing is free. Nothing should be taken for granted. Give love. Accept love. Earn love. Don't expect love.


Happy Solstice!!

Today is allll kinds of things:

1) Solstice!
2) Father's Day
3) My first sunburn of the year.

Yep. I am 36 years old and have lived within 15 miles of the beach for all 36 of these years and I STILL cannot manage to go to the beach without getting a gnarly sunburn. And it's not even like I completely forget to apply it - I just do such a poor job of it - I am just blotchy. Blotchy legs, blotchy arms, blotchy chest.

Some day I will learn.

YO! What's up? What's going on in the world?

Some random thoughts while perusing the news..

Lakers - I'm from LA, and I really could not care less about basketball, but it's always good to see the hometown team win. At first I was a good liberal and was all up in arms over the parade that was scheduled - I agreed that people who were out breakin shit and looting do not deserve a parade. But you know who does deserve a parade? The other several million fans who did not break any laws. Why should the good fans be punished? I agree that the cost of the parade is high and comes at an unfortunate time but I also think people need to celebrate and it's great that our DamnMayor was able to raise some private funds for it. Party on and don't act like assholes is what I say to the parade and rally goers.

Dodgers - THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for beating the A's last night. I am SO over interleague play. And I am SO over the AL dominating the NL with their cheating not real baseball no pitcher hitting ways!

WTF is up with Diet Cola "for men" ??? Stupid.

Congrats to Silversun Pickups on getting to number one on Billboard... I still think you're kind of boring.

Huh, David Sedaris at the B&N at the Grove tomorrow night.. That's kinda cool. I never actually read him (the bookclub girls will frequently remind me that the Christmas book they picked is only like 4 pages long or something...) but I do think he's funny, I just don't really like essays or short stories (that's what he writes right?)

If you haven't been to Wurstküche you are totally missing out. Unless of course you don't like sausage, fries or beer. If that is the case you can close the browser, your kind is not welcome here - unless you're a vegan and then you can stay - but at least they have vegetarian options.

Food Inc. Let's go see it!

Obviously there are things arguably more important than these happening in the world... those things bring me down. I don't read regular news, I read blogs. I get my news from The Daily Show and Twitter and I figure if something is important enough I will hear about it. Unlike a lot of people though (brace yourself, I am about to judge) I don't argue over world events, I don't retweet unconfirmed Tweets, I don't make my decisions on who I will side with or what I will believe based on 30 minute TV shows, Whole Foods solicitors in American Apparel Tshirts with clipboards and a smile, or social media without doing a whole lot of research first. Now I just need to figure out why everyone's Twitter avatar is green... Green isn't really my color.

The way my brain works - sorry world.

So I am walking around San Diego and pass a guy in a wheelchair - and he's no slouch - he's like a Murderball kind of guy - all in shape and shit and I notice he's wearing New Balance and the first thing I think of is "Man, if I lived in a wheelchair I would totally not wear sensible shoes."

Do you ever eat too much butter?

Do you ever think to yourself: "HEY! I'm on vacation and I've already walked all over town and sat by the pool and done yoga in my hotel room via a really awesome online yoga site and decide that it would just be too much effort to put on real clothes, brush your hair and go outside in search of dinner? So you decide to order room service. Only everything looks kind of expensive and kind of unhealthy except for the "Fit" options which just look boring. Then you find Salmon! (which is good if you like salmon.) And you look at the options for sides and see carrots! So you order Salmon, a baked potato and carrots! And you're all proud because you ordered healthy AND yummy! And it comes in 30 minutes or less, as promised, and it looks amazing. And it actually tastes amazing. And then about 17 bites in (because it was the hugest portion ever) you realize it tastes amazing because it was cooked in AT LEAST a stick and a half of butter. But you keep eating it. But you don't finish it because not even you are that hungry. But you do have to go wash your face because you feel like you just bathed in butter.

me too.

So - vacation update day 2 - I slept in late, went for a tasty breakfast of eggs, hash browns and a biscuit and then walked around the marina, for like EVER. I was hoping to take the ferry to Coronado, but I literally walked up as it was pulling away and didn't feel like waiting an hour for the next one. So I just kept walking. And walking. It was good. So good that I took a nap. After being awake for like 3 hours. I got up, searched for food and ended up with some pretty yummy fish tacos. Came back to the hotel and read by the pool before coming back to the hotel room, Facebook, Twitter, Photoshop research for new-ish Mac, decided I didn't need a new iPhone for $500 and did Yoga online. Before the great-butter-dish of 2009 occured.

The best thing happened by the pool though... there was a family there on vacation, a mom was sitting poolside with her baby in the stroller while her husband (I assume) was in the pool with his 3 daughters (I assume). He was towing the 3 girls and hollering out: "I AM ON VACATION! ON VACATION! WE ARE ON VACATION! No lawns to mow! On Vacation! No work! Vacation! SEVEN MORE DAYS OF THIS POOL!" - Man, his excitement was awesome. I hope they had a nice buttery dinner!

Now I am finishing up a decent glass of Pinot, watching Friday Night Lights on Netflix (man, that pilot was REALLY GOOD! Watch it.) and waiting for Guy to get back from dinner.

San Diego on a Sunday

Spending a couple of days down in San Diego for absolutely no reason at all. There is no occasion. There is no agenda, really. I hope to get to a yoga class, to an elliptical, to the pool. I hope to read a book. I might take the ferry to Coronado... I am going to eat some crappy food and probably some salads if I can find a Whole Foods or health food store. I am going to drink some cold beer. (oh! I already did that!) Isn't it funny how we have to schedule time to do nothing? The view from the hotel room could be enough to just keep me in bed though...


Do you ever

Do you ever fall asleep in yoga pants and wear them to yoga in the morning?

This morning while I was getting ready for yoga, in the yoga pants that I slept in, I talked myself out of going to the class because I thought my hair looked cute and didn't want to ruin it with exercise and sweat and showering. And then I looked at my arm flab and thought: "yeh, I should go."

Our San Francisco/Sonoma Trip!

So - if you've ever been in my car you know that I love me the TV on the Radio. When they announced their spring tour I was bummed to see that their only LA date was Coachella, so that meant no other play-y in LA-y (and Pomona is just too far.) So when I saw that they were playing in Oakland over Memorial Day weekend I had one of those lightbulb moments and decided we needed a good road trip!

We arrived in San Francisco around lunchtime and took the bus up to Amoeba - I LOVE taking public transportation. I'm not sure if I would love it so much if I had to do it everyday, I'm sure the novelty of it would wear off, but when we are traveling I really enjoy it. We have sort of made a tradition out of buying CDs at local indie record stores while on vacation and I was happy we fit it into this trip. (purchases included Jason Lytle, Au Revoir Simone, Reatards, and two Nick Cave Re-issues)

I found a good deal at the Hotel Palomar, it is a Kimpton hotel, and they are quickly becoming my hotel chain of choice. Comfy beds, and really loud flushing toilet and a shower that didn't drain very well, BUT I would totally stay there again, centrally located and did I mention the comfy bed?

We had some TASTY crab-deviled eggs and a couple of beers before dinner by the water at MarketBar in the Ferry Building, (side note: I don't think I have ever, in my almost 15 years knowing my husband seen him SO excited over a group of shops). Beers and deviled eggs. yum.


Guy booked us a really yummy dinner at Ozumo Sushi. The Hanabi and Futago were amazing. Everything was great. Including the Sapporos.

After dinner we headed on the BART to Oakland to the recently renovated Fox Theater - it's one of those historic, crazy buildings with really amazing architecture. We had 5 or 10 more beers and were treated to an amazing show by one of my favorite bands.

Saturday morning was a little rough (see mention of beers above) so we got a slow start out of town and eventually made it to Santa Rosa where we checked into our hotel and had a really great lunch at Omelette Express-- soo yummy

Our home base for the wine tasting trip was Hotel La Rose - small, quaint, in the heart of their little historical area and the bed was really comfy... (comfy beds are crucial to my traveling happiness in case you couldn't tell - it has to be firm, not too firm and big enough so that 6'4" husband does not cut into my side of the bed by sleeping diagonally on small beds)

After fueling up on sandwiches and iced tea and when I finally began to feel human again it was time for some wine tasting! We hit a good amount of wineries in the Forestville, Sebastopol and Windsor areas (favorites are marked with a handy asterisk - man I love those things)

Hartford Family Winery
*Harvest Moon
Hook & Ladder
Dutton-Goldfield/Balletto Vineyards

Harvest Moon was probably my favorite of the day, and not just because they had a really awesome chocolate lab named Charlotte. Woodenhead had an amazing deck with views of the valley and a woman who worked there was from LA and her parents lived in the same house in the heart of Hollywood for the last FIFTY YEARS. I loved that.

That night we had dinner at El Dorado Kitchen in the Sonoma Square. Note: when traveling check to see if the town where you booked dinner is having any events, like a jazz fest, that could make finding parking near-impossible

ANYWAY - it was really good - I had the truffle risotto, Guy had short ribs. And for desert we had a S'Mores tart. mmmm...

Sunday morning we woke bright and early and without a hangover (yay) and went to breakfast at Parkside Cafe - oh. shit. yum. Chicken Fried Steak and the Country Benedict were both great and not too heavy. Really tiny place with really amazing food.

We walked around the Windsor Farmer's Market and some antique fair thing in Healdsburg before starting day two wine tasting at:

*Dutcher Crossing

Stryker had a remarkable tasting room, beautiful grounds, some horny snakes, and two guys working - one was lively, engaging and outgoing and the other was his total opposite. Guess which one we got?

Preston is an organic winery, with pigs and chickens and cats and bread and olives and really yummy wines. It was totally my favorite of the trip.

OK. Dinner. I booked us a nice dinner based on online reviews and a Michelin rating. So we walk into this old Victorian House/Restaurant and there is classical music playing, unchipped China on all of the tables, salmon colored walls, DRAPES, and a snooty hostess and I have a mini-panic attack. Where did I book us?? Guy calms me and the Goose and tonic calms me and we sit to eat. OH.MY.GOD. It was BY FAR one of the most amazing meals of my life. Go there. As soon as possible. Life is short people.
Madrona Manor
We had five courses of amazing food paired with fantastic Sonoma wines and Champagne, along with things like parm-reggiano churros, pea Vichyssoise amuse-bouche (actually I don't really know if vichyssoise is usually a SPECIFIC kind of soup - this is how much I didn't deserve to be eating there, anyway - it was cold and I only know what amuse-bouche is because I watch Top Chef - see you CAN learn things from Reality TV). We also were given raspberry/hibiscus crushed ice to cleanse the palettes (the texture of the ICE was amazing) - a mini creme brulee AFTER we finished the desert that we ordered, and a handful of chocolates and carmels AND 2 bags of caramel corn to take on the road. soooooo yum.

The whole weekend was awesome. Yay for vacations. I am working on the next weekend getaway now: Ojai. Have never been there and have always wanted to go. I plan on lots of relaxing.

I defintely almost died today

So, this post REALLY needs pictures - but I was not fast (or dumb) enough to bust out my camera so I went online to try and find funny pics and realized that nothing is funnier than the real thing. So imagine if you will...

You are walking North on Abbot Kinney after a successful chiropractor visit

You see a guy walking in a crosswalk - he's about 6'3" and a total douchebag. Weird curly, Jew-ish, dreadlockey things, giNORmous oversized Afflicttion style sweatshirt, baggy black pants - giving a guy in a car that is speeding towards him the "Hey - bitch are you gunna stop for me hand wave"

You look at the guy who TOTALLY should have stopped or at least slowed down a long time ago and he's in a late 80s/early 90s style Supra that has never seen a carwash and is now just the color of dust, lowered, Fast and Furious style wheels - back when it was The Fast and The Furious - a pit bull with a crazy ass scary spiked collar, I mean this poor dog, he's probably seen a fight or 20. REALLY loud music, like loud, like OW my ears and I am standing 20 feet away loud. And the driver..well, let's just say he looked mean.

And mean-driver-guy starts YELLing at douchey-crosswalk-guy. And they are screaming at each other. And by the time douchey-crosswalk-guy gets across the street you are at the corner and mean-driver-with-mean-dog-guy is STILL yelling and pointing his hand in the shape of gun at douchey-fashion-thug-guy - only you are PRAYING to the I'm-about-to-go-on-vacation Gods that you are not about to get shot because at this point you are like 2 feet from Mr-why-don't-you-just-cross-the-street-and-shut-the-fuck-up-guy and you think 2 things: 1) I hope doesn't-know-where-a-carwash-is-guy has perfect aim and 2) I hope he doesn't mind leaving a witness.

And then the both go on their merry ways.

And 2 hours later you still thinking about it.

And then you decide to bliggity-blog because Denis Leary would be so proud.

Just overheard at work: "From a branding perspective you have to keep it on four wheels"

Things I did complain about today



I'm just sitting here minding my own business catching up on the Facebook, the Twitter, and the Google Reader, and I read a comment that someone makes about a rapper who was shot and killed at the Beverly Center today and they said: "just another rapper that got capped" --- now --- you may or may not like rap and you may or may not, but probably don't, know the person who was shot and you may or may not know why they were shot - and unless you were the person doing the shooting, I'm pretty sure that you don't.

I do plenty of judging in my day-to-day life (working on that, really) but this was someone's life. And whether or not you know who are they are or agree with how they spend their Sunday mornings, he was still a human. He was a life. And some other human took that life. I don't know why they did it and I am not going to waste my Monday evening or battery life speculating on it. Someone loved this person. Someone is hurting because they are gone. He was more than "just a rapper" to someone. Why is it so hard to remember that and so easy to judge lifestyles we don't know or agree with?

Who the fuck are we to judge why that happened. Maybe they did some bad things in their life, I don't know. And you know what? I'm pretty sure you don't either. So save the judgments for important things like music you have never heard, white shoes after Labor Day and sushi you have never tried.

No one is a "just"

Things I did not complain about today

My slow computer
My sore foot*
My sore back*
My extremely full inbox
The printer
The smell in the bathroom
The good ol boys laughing and ass slapping going on
Never being able to find information that I need in all of our systems
Asking for one thing (that I should have been able to find) and getting something else

*Shoot - I totally forgot and complained about these - but it was really more of an explanation. It was suggested that I frolic and I had to explain why I couldn't.

I am not your maid.

So, today we went to the Farmer's Market... after all - we are "those people" (more on that some other time) - and after buying grapefruit (3 for $2), cherries ($5 for a bucket - no sprays) and organic berries (asst of blue, black and rasp for $14 - cheaper than WF) I decided that I needed a third cup of coffee in an hour. Actually, I didn't even really "need" the coffee I just really love Common Grounds (mostly because it's not Starbucks, Peets or CoffeeBean) so I got my coffee and while I was giving it a splash of half & half I noticed a guy empty three packets of Sugar-in-the-Raw into his cup and then toss the empty paper packets on the table ONE INCH FROM THE TRASH BUCKET. I looked at him and looked at his trash and it's proximity to the trash bucket and said, to no one in particular, "really?" and put the trash in the bucket for him. A grown man should be able to put some trash in a trash receptacle and I should NOT have to clean up after him but I envisioned the paper packets blowing off the table and onto the ground and creating litter and someone else having to pick it up and why the fuck should someone else have to pick it up when I am standing right there next to the trash, and I didn't even have to bend over to pick it up, and put it in the trash bucket.

When I told Guy what happened he just said "Are you surprised?" and yeh, actually I was. I just don't know what the hell is wrong with people - so you don't know where the trash can is and it's that hard to, I don't know, glance around and try and find it? People - come on - take responsibilty for your actions - don't litter, don't be a douchebag, don't expect other people to do things for you. In case you forgot, you are human and you are not ANY better than anyone else... I am not better than douchey litterer fuckface just because I picked up his trash. We are all the same, let's leave the coffee condiment area nice and clean for the next coffee lover ok?

I really need a hobby.

Today someone told me that "some people" might (may?) think that I update my Facebook status too frequently lately. My initial reaction was, predictably, fuck 'em... But after obsessing over it for a few hours (like 7) I thought - "if only they knew." Most people on FB don't even follow me on Twitter - so if they think I update FB a lot, their heads would explode with all of the combined updates. But even those two combined is MAYBE 1/8 of the amount of updates that I could do or would like to do. Believe it or not I AM actually exercising some self-control. I don't necessarily have a lot of time on my hands, I just have a lot of random 140-ish character thoughts that are CONSTANTLY going through my head. A lot. In fact I started this blog because I thought I would ease the amount of random texts, updates, emails that I send to people... But a blog isn't really the place for 140 character or less thoughts. So this leaves me with a decision to make. Stop making random FB updates (maybe)... increase number of Tweets (no)... just keep them in my head (as if). Hmmm... What is a girl to do. Should I start a different totally anonymous Twitter account or blog that takes all of the pressure off of me - I can post anonymously all of my random crazy thoughts - or maybe having SOME restraint is better so that I can get work done during the day. Husband might have me committed, or divorce me and take custody of the cats: "Judge, I would like to present in evidence defense Tweets #27 - 1,987 as proof of plantiff's inability to contribute emotionally to marriage." Yeh - I need a hobby.

In another news, here is my 10 word or less movie review of Star Trek.
loved it. see it. spock is not sylar, remember that.


Things that make me go: meh - Pat Benatar, Blondie and The Donnas are playing

At first I was like: "wow, who the fuck cares..." And then I remembered that I am (still) trying to be more positive and less judgmental and thought "I am sure LOTS of people care, and I probably even know some of them. However, I personally do not care and would not spend a nickel on that show.(except I probably actually thought SHIT and not SHOW)" Ok, I MIGHT spend a nickel - but only if the beers were free. And then I thought - "oh, it's probably part of the Fair tour" except I was thinking it in a really judgy way because fair concerts suck ass (and then I replayed the whole positive, know people who like that shit, conversation with myself)... and I was right. Fair tour. OC Fair - I've been thinking that I need to go to the OC Fair instead of the LA County Fair for a change of pace (even though they are all, literally, the same)... maybe we'll go. and you know what, we would probably have a really good time... we will never know.

Oh and that date on the link is wrong but I don't care.

It's a rainbow in my box

So, like, I color code my emails at work, different colors obviously for different items that need to be addressed… it's a pretty good system, especially since I like to do things in batches - I just batch and color code similar tasks together… I used to move things out of the inbox and into folders but I like having them in my inbox, constantly reminding me how far behind I am, to stay motivated (I THINK the GTD peeps like folders AND color coding but there is only so much time in a day to organize y'know).

ANYWAY… lately I've been feeling a little Groundhog Day --- like every day is just sort of the same or really similar --- same kinds of emails, same kinds of problems, same same. And in dealing with the same emails and problems I've gotten a little behind on filing and clearing out my Inbox, so today is the today I totally get caught up, stay motivated, file and get down to <5 emails. Because I am trying to figure out a way to stay engaged I decided to do things in small batches and in doing so I realized that I made my HOURS very Groundhog Day… here's the way it went today:
1) check inbox & clear out one of my colors (this creates more paper that needs to be filed - it's a legal thing)
2) file stack of papers (which are also batched for quick and efficient filing, except when I totally ignore them, like last 2 weeks)
3) check Yahoo, check Facebook, check Twitter
Long .....
Wow. I am REALLY looking forward to that weekend in Sonoma.
File, Rinse, Repeat. Gotta go - Blue is waiting for me

Mother's Day Schmuther's Day.

Don't bother reading this one, really - just scroll right past it. oh and Guy, it's cool (just venting - look I gave you your own label).


Facebook Ad: "Stay Close to Mom"

Number of Facebook status updates about Mother's Day in the last 15 hours: 15, including one honoring MILFs

Top two trends on Twitter: "Happy Mothers Day" & "Mother's Day" (#MothersDay is listed sixth)

Percentage of MLB players wearing pink arm sweatbands honoring Mother's Day: most.

Number of Tuff Shed commercials proclaiming you should buy your mom a SHED for Mother's Day that came on while I was writing this: one

Amount I am feeling sorry for myself today: a lot.

If YOU are a mother, I am sure you are great, if you have a mother, I am sure she is great. But not every mother deserves a day. Just sayin. Oh and if you think you "deserve" Mother's Day or "deserve" something on Mother's Day, well, you probably don't. Accepting things graciously and being humble are very sexy traits, Mother or not, btw.


Dear Diary:
Today I made a really pathetic blog post. I shouldn't put those words into the universe, they are better kept in the pit of my stomach eating away at my undiagnosed ulcer.

random thoughts on a Thursday night

I added the Blogger Dashboard to my Home page tabs to open because I thought maybe it would remind me/inspire me/guilt me into writing more... see, it's working...

I've had a lot to eat today

I am starving

I can.not.stand. hearing listener comments on the radio. If I wanted to hear random douchebag shithead commentary I would just go outside, like to the mall, or church.

No I am not "surprised" by Manny getting 50 game suspension for drug violation - I am SHOCKED that he was stupid enough to get caught.

I probably would not have even thought twice about it except it is MY TEAM he's fucking with and MY TEAM has the best record in baseball - so if this fucks MY shit up I will not be fucking happy.

Everyone says they will probably still be in 1st place when he gets back, so he better be a .350 hitter AT LEAST when he gets back.

I think it's HILARIOUS that Steve Phillips just pointed out on ESPNews that the Dodgers didn't want to pay him that salary anyway and now they're saving 7milliondollars. True.


Nick!!! mmmmm Nick.

So, I've been in a mood lately. A bad mood. A sad mood. A frustrated mood. Angry. Irritated. Overwhelmed. Sick. Back hurts. No sleeping. You name it and I have lived it in the last 2.5 days.

When I get into these moods I listen to a lot of Nick Cave. Like, a lot. Like, nothing else. His music, over the span of his career, has pretty much touched on all of my moods - so when you're mid-mood swing and a Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds Shuffle All takes you from a ballad to a murder ballad to a death row walk you are pretty much RIGHTTHERE with it...

"Stagger Lee" is a really fucking great song. And I was listening to it just now (live, hopefully the studio version comes up in a minute) and I am really struggling which of these two lines is my favorite (close browser now if you are easily offended).

A) She saw the barkeep, said "O God, he can't be dead!"
Stag said, "Well just count the holes in the motherfucker's head"


B)"I'm a bad motherfucker, don't you know
But I'll crawl over fifty good pussies just to get one fat boy's asshole"

man, that's a good song. and really good and bitchy and sexy live.

oops gotta run, mood swinging back the other way in 3.2.1....

update at 7:43 pm - I am feeling much better and tomorrow WILL be a better day, Fuck yeh.

it's kind of a rainbow

What I have eaten so far today (3:45pm)

Raisin Bran w Soy milk
Green tea
Apple Sauce
Dark Chocolate
Plain Tuna on Stale crackers.

I feel like maybe I need a "meal"

I'm Dumb - May Day

Every so often I think to myself: "I'm dumb." Guy really doesn't appreciate me saying this, probably since it is rather insulting to him, he is smart enough to not marry a dumb person and, in general, I think I do alright. I can dress myself, feed myself (well I can FEED myself, I cannot cook for myself), get to work, make a decent living...etc...

But I am not, in no way, not even a little, "book smart." Book smart is what people who are common sense smart call those people that intimidate them because they know things - like about the super conductor, still have no clue about that.

ANYWAY - Just about every day I run into something that I feel like I should be at least a little familiar with if not totally knowledgeable. A few weeks back, it was Easter. No clue. Now. I grew up in an atheist/agnostic "family" and never learned about Jesus and all that. But I literally had no clue what Easter was celebrating, except for yummy chocolate eggs and pictures of kids with scary easter bunnies. Guy explained it to me but I was debating hollow vs solid chocolate bunnies in my head so I still don't know.

Today, it's May Day. May Day? I'm going to look it up. BRB.

Google brought up: "May Day Activities" - ok, so it's an excuse to party. sweet.

Something about Labour parties - isn't that what Labor Day is for?

From Wiki: "May Day marks the end of the uncomfortable winter half of the year in the Northern hemisphere, and it has traditionally been an occasion for popular and often raucous celebrations, regardless of the locally prevalent political or religious establishment."

oh - so it's kind of like Summer Solstice meets like St Patrick's Day? WTF does that have to do with Labour parties? Also from Wiki: "People often use May Day as a day for political protest, ... or as a day for protest against government actions, such as pro-immigrant rallies across the United States"

Still have no clue. So it's a celebration of the end of winter and as a day of political protest. I absolutely cannot figure out what those two things have to do with each other. Except that, I guess, it would be too cold to protest in the winter?

Doing a quick search you can also find crafts and poems and all kinds of ways to celebrate. I wonder if I was taught about this in school? I went to Los Angeles Unified so probably not. Well, that's not fair --- I learned a lot. I forgot a lot. I was a bad student, but I had a lot of "potential" they all said so. If only they could see me now. Not knowing about May Day or Easter or Superconductors, getting migraines and calling in sick to work and staying on the couch in my pajamas for dozens of hours at a time, they would be so proud.