Today someone told me that they thought one of the, uh, methods I use as a creative outlet was, in fact, not creative. That's weird. I mean wouldn't I know what my creative outlets are? Isn't that one of those things that's subjective? We don't have to all think alike do we? We don't have to all like and do the same things right? I mean, isn't it BETTER that we don't all love the same restaurants (imagine the wait for a table), the same bands (I don't like those big venues), the same shoes (hard enough to find your size). Imagine how much harder it would be to find a significant other if we ALL found the exact same qualities in a person attractive.
Be strong. Be different. Be creative. It's scary but critics can't matter when you are answering your calling*. If the comments are not constructive, if they are not from a loving place, don't listen. Unless your creative outlet is stealing, murdering, raping, or lobbying for high fructose corn syrup have the fuck at it. If they don't like what you create they can ignore it.
*no, Twitter is not "my calling" I'm making a bigger point here. sheesh.
Showing posts with label disappointment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label disappointment. Show all posts
smart - fail.
One thing I am good at is beating myself up. Seriously. A pro. I am going to be having NIGHTMARES over the misuse of their/they're on the cult posting. I've been thinking about that allll day. For real.
I would like to thank my dear friend Tina for pointing out the error - it helps me to remind myself HEY DUMBSHIT WHY DON'T TRY PROOF READING FOR A CHANGE. It's like my own personal hell. It's totally karmic retribution for something I have done. I can spot an error on a billboard a mile away going 55 mph but, fucking hell, I cannot be bothered to recheck a post or an email (I am REALLY bad about checking emails before I hit ctrl+enter.)
I was hoping that writing this would just help to get it out of my system - and I totally think it worked! sweet...
Oh fuck - I literally just almost hit PUBLISH without reading... ok. hang on. Alright, good thing I did - I found something... publishing in 3.2.1...
PS - If you spot an error feel free to email me - not comment. :) And I don't mean like "hey bitch you missed a comma" or "that should be a semi colon not colon colon" or "what's with the love of the ellipses, it's kind of annoying and actually you're not even using it correctly" "- those things I just don't have time for. I mean important things like "A lot is TWO words dumbshit" or "Hey, brainiac you spelled Guy's name wrong" - we all have our cute little quirks right??
I would like to thank my dear friend Tina for pointing out the error - it helps me to remind myself HEY DUMBSHIT WHY DON'T TRY PROOF READING FOR A CHANGE. It's like my own personal hell. It's totally karmic retribution for something I have done. I can spot an error on a billboard a mile away going 55 mph but, fucking hell, I cannot be bothered to recheck a post or an email (I am REALLY bad about checking emails before I hit ctrl+enter.)
I was hoping that writing this would just help to get it out of my system - and I totally think it worked! sweet...
Oh fuck - I literally just almost hit PUBLISH without reading... ok. hang on. Alright, good thing I did - I found something... publishing in 3.2.1...
PS - If you spot an error feel free to email me - not comment. :) And I don't mean like "hey bitch you missed a comma" or "that should be a semi colon not colon colon" or "what's with the love of the ellipses, it's kind of annoying and actually you're not even using it correctly" "- those things I just don't have time for. I mean important things like "A lot is TWO words dumbshit" or "Hey, brainiac you spelled Guy's name wrong" - we all have our cute little quirks right??
yeh, I'm kinda tired
So... for like TEN WHOLE DAYS, I was all working out a lot - like everyday... like at all of the gyms I belong to (except one), like at yoga studios, like EVEN doing online yoga AT HOME... I was alll motivated and shit.
And there are a few reasons for my sudden motivation but honestly one of the biggest ones is because I thought it would help increase my energy level so that I could get all kinds of stuff done and not be so darn tired at the end of the day. I ALSO thought that because my energy level would be up that, for some reason, I would need less sleep.
This is how it went in my head:
1) raise energy.
2) combat laziness and fatigue.
3) need less sleep
4) get shit done.
but then.
I saw something online (that I can't link to because I immediately closed the browser hoping it wasn't true but it's been haunting me ever since) that said athletes need 7 to 8 hours of sleep A NIGHT! wait. what? How can that be? How can my body be all exercised and lean and efficient and need MORE time to rest.
fuck, man.
that blows.
Anyway, now I'm having back issues and can't go to yoga and was told to do low impact boring shit for EIGHT WEEKS AND I still probably need 8 freaking hours a night to "heal." It's a lose lose not get shit done kind of scenario.
bah.
I don't have THE link, but there is plenty online. read it. not lying. it says I need MORE sleep. I just don't know how that can be.
And there are a few reasons for my sudden motivation but honestly one of the biggest ones is because I thought it would help increase my energy level so that I could get all kinds of stuff done and not be so darn tired at the end of the day. I ALSO thought that because my energy level would be up that, for some reason, I would need less sleep.
This is how it went in my head:
1) raise energy.
2) combat laziness and fatigue.
3) need less sleep
4) get shit done.
but then.
I saw something online (that I can't link to because I immediately closed the browser hoping it wasn't true but it's been haunting me ever since) that said athletes need 7 to 8 hours of sleep A NIGHT! wait. what? How can that be? How can my body be all exercised and lean and efficient and need MORE time to rest.
fuck, man.
that blows.
Anyway, now I'm having back issues and can't go to yoga and was told to do low impact boring shit for EIGHT WEEKS AND I still probably need 8 freaking hours a night to "heal." It's a lose lose not get shit done kind of scenario.
bah.
I don't have THE link, but there is plenty online. read it. not lying. it says I need MORE sleep. I just don't know how that can be.
I'm not gonna feel bad about it
A few months ago I signed up for a jewelry-making class. A really long jewelry class. Like 16 weeks long. Like 5 hours a week long. Like 5 hours every Saturday for 16 weeks long. I, admittedly, went into it HOPING that I would be able to make it through the whole session but secretly a little afraid I would not be able to finish it. Because if you know me, you know I sign up for classes and don't finish them. I get busy. I get lazy. I tend to sign up when I have had a few days or weeks of downtime and am feeling like I need to get active, motivated and train my brain something new. So imagine how completely and totally stoked I was when after the first couple of classes I was totally in love with it. Really liked the teacher, actually spoke to a couple of people in the class and they seemed decent enough, even had things in common *gasp* with them. I enthusiastically bought my tool box and filled it with supplies and eagerly started on the first assignment.
Then I started to find things wrong with the class. Not enough direction. Not enough structure. I didn't get to use the sandblaster. EVERY Saturday is a lot of Saturdays. Then I went out of town and missed a class. Then I couldn't come up with a design for the second project. Then I went out of town again. Then it was Easter weekend and there was no class. Then I got a cold (not THAT cold, just A cold) and missed a class. Now I am behind but honestly it doesn't matter a whole lot because I know the instructor would work with me to catch up on everything I missed. He would sit down and show me exactly what to do, no matter how many hours it took. And you know what? I really hate that about the class. I hate that there is a line of 5 people needing to buy silver, or ask a question that is really important to their project, or be shown how to use the sandblaster (it's soooo cool) and they would have to wait for me because I missed the classes that they were able to make it to.
So.
I'm not going back. The class, while I enjoyed it at first, wasn't teaching me exactly, or even kind of, what I wanted to learn. It was interesting - just not right for me. I need to find a more basic class. One that shows me what I want, and a little more, without needing a garage full of expensive tools to use what I have learned. I don't even have even a little desire to make jewelry, I was just hoping to learn some skills - like soldering. Guy can probably teach me that, right? So, I'm not gonna feel bad about flaking on the class - it wasn't right for me. And now I have my Saturdays back to do none of the other things I want to be doing.
5/1 - update. I just went into my calendar and saw the weekly appointment and decided to leave it there so that I am forced to look at it and punish myself for the next 8 weeks.
Then I started to find things wrong with the class. Not enough direction. Not enough structure. I didn't get to use the sandblaster. EVERY Saturday is a lot of Saturdays. Then I went out of town and missed a class. Then I couldn't come up with a design for the second project. Then I went out of town again. Then it was Easter weekend and there was no class. Then I got a cold (not THAT cold, just A cold) and missed a class. Now I am behind but honestly it doesn't matter a whole lot because I know the instructor would work with me to catch up on everything I missed. He would sit down and show me exactly what to do, no matter how many hours it took. And you know what? I really hate that about the class. I hate that there is a line of 5 people needing to buy silver, or ask a question that is really important to their project, or be shown how to use the sandblaster (it's soooo cool) and they would have to wait for me because I missed the classes that they were able to make it to.
So.
I'm not going back. The class, while I enjoyed it at first, wasn't teaching me exactly, or even kind of, what I wanted to learn. It was interesting - just not right for me. I need to find a more basic class. One that shows me what I want, and a little more, without needing a garage full of expensive tools to use what I have learned. I don't even have even a little desire to make jewelry, I was just hoping to learn some skills - like soldering. Guy can probably teach me that, right? So, I'm not gonna feel bad about flaking on the class - it wasn't right for me. And now I have my Saturdays back to do none of the other things I want to be doing.
5/1 - update. I just went into my calendar and saw the weekly appointment and decided to leave it there so that I am forced to look at it and punish myself for the next 8 weeks.
Firsts - a beginning
hey I know! I'll start another list. I do like lists. What OCDADDDYSLEXICEASILYDISTRACTED35YEAROLDWOMAN doesn't? This one will also help the problem of not being motivated (I would think). It's actually something I started a long time ago. And by started I mean I wrote two entries, never posted them then forgot all about them.
The first time I ever thought about writing:
I was sitting on the floor (facing the tv, much like now)
My grandmother's typewriter was on the coffee table (much like now)
I was probably 7, MAYBE 8.
Writing an autobiography.
I can literally remember wanting to write, getting excited, turning on the tv, setting up the typewriter, sitting down and not having a single clue what to write. (much like....)
I do remember that I wrote something about my dad not being able to keep a job and my Uncle Al being an alcoholic. I think I got maybe 3 sentences in before giving up. Or maybe Solid Gold was about to start. Either way, that autobiography never happened. It's never too late to write about your family's failures though right? Maybe tomorrow.
The first time I ever thought about writing:
I was sitting on the floor (facing the tv, much like now)
My grandmother's typewriter was on the coffee table (much like now)
I was probably 7, MAYBE 8.
Writing an autobiography.
I can literally remember wanting to write, getting excited, turning on the tv, setting up the typewriter, sitting down and not having a single clue what to write. (much like....)
I do remember that I wrote something about my dad not being able to keep a job and my Uncle Al being an alcoholic. I think I got maybe 3 sentences in before giving up. Or maybe Solid Gold was about to start. Either way, that autobiography never happened. It's never too late to write about your family's failures though right? Maybe tomorrow.
Where can I buy some perspective?
I was thinking today about that scene in Purple Rain where Prince is talking to a puppet and the puppet says to him "Life's a bitch" (except I remembered him saying, "Man, I don't know, life's a bitch" but when I looked it up online that didn't appear to be right, ANYWAY).... I don't know why I thought about that, could be because I'm too hard on myself for losing my credit card, losing my driver's license, forgetting (for 1 day) to pay my credit card bill, and not realizing I needed a smog check on the car (all things I have total control over and are not "life's a bitch" kind of things) or could be because I just heard about someone at work who passed away (which totally is a life's a bitch" kind of thing). And I was gonna write about that here and then I thought NO! I am not gonna write about something negative. (I'm trying here). But I am feeling a little unchallenged and brain dead so I thought I would go online and just see what random writing exercise Live Journal has up. BTW - I have never done this before I just know they have it and figured it would be a good way to challenge my unchallenged brain. again, ANYWAY, today's writing exercise is:
"What's the most romantic thing you have done for someone?"
srsly? you.have.got.to.be.FUCKING.kidding.me.
talk about kicking a girl when she has no reason to be down. I am pretty sure I have never met a person as unromantic as I am. bah. what the fuck I say, what.the.fuck. Maybe tomorrow's topic can be "write about the last 4-course meal you prepared for your husband" or "how did it feel the first time you changed your oil" or "write that first Iron Man triathlon you finished."
Anyway, I have a fantastic husband, a new kitty, two old, fat lazy and awesome cats, a pretty sweet job and live in the best city anywhere with the best friends a girl could ask for so fuck off live journal, I don't have to justify my OCD, ADD, unromantic, unchallenged self to you assholes.
"What's the most romantic thing you have done for someone?"
srsly? you.have.got.to.be.FUCKING.kidding.me.
talk about kicking a girl when she has no reason to be down. I am pretty sure I have never met a person as unromantic as I am. bah. what the fuck I say, what.the.fuck. Maybe tomorrow's topic can be "write about the last 4-course meal you prepared for your husband" or "how did it feel the first time you changed your oil" or "write that first Iron Man triathlon you finished."
Anyway, I have a fantastic husband, a new kitty, two old, fat lazy and awesome cats, a pretty sweet job and live in the best city anywhere with the best friends a girl could ask for so fuck off live journal, I don't have to justify my OCD, ADD, unromantic, unchallenged self to you assholes.
Dust 1, Cindy 0
So I think I've mentioned that I work in a construction zone one or 20 times by now. And... if you've come around my desk while I was bitching about the dust or the smells then, well, you know how I feel. Today I lost it. I went to bed with a CRAZY itchy pair of eyes and woke up with my right eye super swollen. I thought I had picked up pink eye from the gym (4 days this week thankyouverymuch) and was about to let that be my excuse for never going back. Was able to squeeze in to see the eye doctor though and she asked if I have been around any environmental changes, when I mentioned the construction she said that she had treated someone else from my building yesterday. Three eye drops prescriptions, a recommendation to not wear my contacts to work until construction is done (6 months, a year?) and a lost hour from the office later I'm really aggravated....
I went and gave the only 4 people that should care a piece of my swollen-eyed mind and yeh, I don't know if they really cared, but I think they should. This sucks ass. I wonder if I can expense the $45 office visit and $25 eye drops. I love my job, but for fuck's sake, a girl with allergies can really only take so much y'know.
thanks for listening. I have to go and google "ways to win at pictionary when you're playing against actual artists"
I went and gave the only 4 people that should care a piece of my swollen-eyed mind and yeh, I don't know if they really cared, but I think they should. This sucks ass. I wonder if I can expense the $45 office visit and $25 eye drops. I love my job, but for fuck's sake, a girl with allergies can really only take so much y'know.
thanks for listening. I have to go and google "ways to win at pictionary when you're playing against actual artists"
Chair time-out
it's 3:30, do you know what your sprinklers are doing
woke around 2am, couldn't sleep and felt like typing in the dark while watching tv. next time need to remember the ramifications of the "Coke" aspect of Jack and Coke. And turkish coffee probably didn't help things either
2:53:30 AM I never did fully understand the X-Files
2:54:10 AM Scully’s hair looks a little fried, but her eyebrows look great
2:54:39 AM I wonder if the sprinklers always go off at 2;30am
2:57:15 AM If I want to beat anyone at Scrabulous I probably should not try and play now
2:58:07 AM Man, I don’t know, The Closer looks terrible
2:59:29 AM I agree with Andy on the whole push to talk thing
3:00:05 AM oh snap, it’s an X-Files marathon
3:01:50 AM that guy just pulled out his heart, ow
3:06:35 AM I turned down the volume so Guy wouldn’t wake up, but now I can’t hear it. Hmmph
3:08:06 AM another dude lost his heart
3:08:21 AM someone downstairs just made a loud crash and now the dog is barking. How do we sleep thru this every night?
3:09:15 AM the commercials are so random…. I kinda get RLS medication, but yogurt?
3:09:53 AM dog still barking
3:10:24 AM eharmony – that totally makes sense
3:10:36 AM I think someone is doing donuts down in the garage
3:10:57 AM the pedi egg is the most disgusting invention ever
3:14:39 AM seriously, what is going on in the garage
3:21:18 AM PGA – Tiger = don’t care
3:25:11 AM Saving Grace doesn’t look good either
3:25:55 AM oy, only 32% X-Files on Rotten Tomatoes, that’s too bad
3:26:26 AM wow, this episode is really boring. I wonder if it would be better if I could hear it
3:27:02 AM I really need to try and fall asleep
2:53:30 AM I never did fully understand the X-Files
2:54:10 AM Scully’s hair looks a little fried, but her eyebrows look great
2:54:39 AM I wonder if the sprinklers always go off at 2;30am
2:57:15 AM If I want to beat anyone at Scrabulous I probably should not try and play now
2:58:07 AM Man, I don’t know, The Closer looks terrible
2:59:29 AM I agree with Andy on the whole push to talk thing
3:00:05 AM oh snap, it’s an X-Files marathon
3:01:50 AM that guy just pulled out his heart, ow
3:06:35 AM I turned down the volume so Guy wouldn’t wake up, but now I can’t hear it. Hmmph
3:08:06 AM another dude lost his heart
3:08:21 AM someone downstairs just made a loud crash and now the dog is barking. How do we sleep thru this every night?
3:09:15 AM the commercials are so random…. I kinda get RLS medication, but yogurt?
3:09:53 AM dog still barking
3:10:24 AM eharmony – that totally makes sense
3:10:36 AM I think someone is doing donuts down in the garage
3:10:57 AM the pedi egg is the most disgusting invention ever
3:14:39 AM seriously, what is going on in the garage
3:21:18 AM PGA – Tiger = don’t care
3:25:11 AM Saving Grace doesn’t look good either
3:25:55 AM oy, only 32% X-Files on Rotten Tomatoes, that’s too bad
3:26:26 AM wow, this episode is really boring. I wonder if it would be better if I could hear it
3:27:02 AM I really need to try and fall asleep
Yes, I take requests
KR asks me:
I don’t know how you feel about potty humor but I really think you need to take a picture of the flush the toilet completely signs in the bathroom and put it on your blog thing. Wondering if any other company has to tell their adult employees to please not leave their business hanging out for others to witness.
yes, I often wonder the same thing. And I have a feeling is the answer is "yes." People are just disgusting. I mean public bathrooms are sooo nasty when you think about it, which I, obviously, try not to. Anyone who wears their shoes inside their home (which we Vaughns do btw) is basically letting a stranger pee/poo/piss/shit in their bed. Think about it - you walk in the bathroom and there is always something nasty on the floor and you walk in it, then you walk in your house with your shoes on, then you walk in your house barefoot, picking up all the nastiest that your shoes left and then you get in bed with Joe Randumb's insides stuck to your feet and rubbing off on your sheets. gross.
We actually had a different problem at the office not so long ago that required a note that said something about discarding your feminine products in the bins provided and they didn't mean instead of the toilet, they meant instead of leaving it on the seat for the next person - this was actually happening A LOT at work - and it started suddenly, so I think it was being done maliciously by someone who was just mad at someone. gross.
gross.
And then there were none.
I went to my first Killer Shrimp in Redondo Beach probably 15 years ago… it was like spicy, buttery, shrimpy magical heaven…. I went into debt at that Killer Shrimp. Literally. I was living way beyond my means on my minimum wage salary yet we would go there at least once a week - it was my addiction. When I decided to move out of the South Bay I was actually glad the addiction wouldn't be so available…I never went back after I moved and it closed a few years ago.
Jodi and I went to the one in Studio City a couple of times. I thought it was too big and didn't have any character. it closed.
Last night on a fluke we ended up there for dinner and was saddened by the sad note that they were being forced out and were looking for a new place.
I was expecting to have my last great meal there and sadly our shrimp was overcooked and the bread was a little stale. The flavor was good as ever, but it just wasn’t the same. Also, they didn't have pecan pie. Chocolate cake instead of pecan pie at Killer Shrimp? bad. Part of me wishes they would just throw in the towel but if they don't and they actually do end up in a new better location I hope they remember how to cook their shrimp.
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