My husband cooks. Yep. That's right. COOKS! And he kicks ass at it too. Even if it's "just" salad or heating some leftovers - he has the magic touch for real.
The biggest mistake I can make is to not make plans when he is out of town. Like Wednesday night. He was gone for just one night. I thought: "easy. I can make a baked potato. Eat in. Get to bed early. Piece-o-pie."
wrong.
I SWEAR, all I did was heat, in the oven (recommended) some frozen veggie chicken patties and heat, in the microwave, a baked potato. Yeh Yeh - I know, the oven is better but the chickies were already in there and, bitch please, I do not have the patience to wait an hour for a potato. The chicken was meh - was ok I guess for fake chicken. I think it had freezer burn - it tasted like it had come out of the microwave - mushy and not cooked enough but still hot. And the damn potato was overcooked! AND I burned my thumb on the damn plate.
Cereal or eat out with the girls from now on. That's it. No more of this "cooking" stuff for me.
A few more words about 500 Days of Summer
Some things I meant to say in my "review" and totally forgot because I was too busy being out of focus.
1) Here is a really cool guide to the locations visited in the movie.
LAist Map of the Day: The Landmarks of 500 Days of Summer
2) At the Century City showing we saw what is possibly the saddest movie trailer in the history of movie trailers. I do not cry at movies. I hardly cry at all. That would require a heart. And emotions. ANYWAY - I cried. It sooo hit home for me, but even my friend who comes from a "good, loving home" was reaching for the tissues. It is executive produced by Oprah & Tyler Perry (say what?) and was a Sundance film that earned a gang of awards and was described in one review "perversely gloomy." Fuck yeh. I. cannot. wait. to see it, and I am already prepared for the complete and total emotional breakdown I am going to have after I see it. We all need goals right! Man, between this movie and The Road - I am looking forward to drinking very heavily those few months.
Get your tissues. Check it: Precious.
1) Here is a really cool guide to the locations visited in the movie.
LAist Map of the Day: The Landmarks of 500 Days of Summer
2) At the Century City showing we saw what is possibly the saddest movie trailer in the history of movie trailers. I do not cry at movies. I hardly cry at all. That would require a heart. And emotions. ANYWAY - I cried. It sooo hit home for me, but even my friend who comes from a "good, loving home" was reaching for the tissues. It is executive produced by Oprah & Tyler Perry (say what?) and was a Sundance film that earned a gang of awards and was described in one review "perversely gloomy." Fuck yeh. I. cannot. wait. to see it, and I am already prepared for the complete and total emotional breakdown I am going to have after I see it. We all need goals right! Man, between this movie and The Road - I am looking forward to drinking very heavily those few months.
Get your tissues. Check it: Precious.
50 words about 500 days
(500) Days of Summer. A review in 50 words (not counting the last 13)
I like the new M. Ward CD (music is subjective, fuck off). M. Ward likes Zooey Deschanel. So I go see her new movie.* I really liked it! I thought it was super cute. I want to work at a greeting card company that plays Black Lips at their parties.
* this makes complete sense in my brain. Also, this sentence doesn't apply to the count - because whenever you see "*" on here you should immediately stop reading because it means I am losing my mind. and my focus. oh also, the soundtrack was really good.
I like the new M. Ward CD (music is subjective, fuck off). M. Ward likes Zooey Deschanel. So I go see her new movie.* I really liked it! I thought it was super cute. I want to work at a greeting card company that plays Black Lips at their parties.
* this makes complete sense in my brain. Also, this sentence doesn't apply to the count - because whenever you see "*" on here you should immediately stop reading because it means I am losing my mind. and my focus. oh also, the soundtrack was really good.
sdcc
San Diego Comic-Con 2009.
Let's get to it bitches. A quick review of SDCC09
1) This year the crowds were INSANE. You really need to feel love for your fellow man and your Action Figure collection to brave these crowds. And it is not just in the convention center and the 45 minute wait for an Iced Grande Soy Caramel Latte I am talking about, it's all over the Gas Lamp. Someone was saying they had to wait an hour for a Subway sandwich. SUBWAY! AN HOUR! Eat Fresh?! What?
2) There were some cool exclusives - I am sure I don't need to tell you that! You are a fan. A collector! You knew months ago about the Jason Voorhees Bust with removable mask, limited to 400 at the Con right? riiight? Oh you were coming here to start your collection. Got it.
3) The Sideshow Collectibles booth was amazing.
4) Panels - there were some really cool ones. The lines were suuuuper long. You have to really want to have your picture taken by Neil Gaiman. Hopefully you didn't even go to the Twilight panel without a 2 day supply of food and a sleeping bag.
5) there were people in crazy costumes! Hey look a Storm Trooper!
6) The free wi-fi was a nice touch! thank you convention center.
So there you have it. Another year down! See ya next year!
Full disclosure: I didn't actually go this year. It really is basically the same every year except that it gets a little more crowded and a lot douchier. My back is messed up right now so I just couldn't get my head around driving 2 uncomfortable hours in the car to walk around a bazillion square foot convention center through the CRAZY crowds and the "fans" ---
A text I got from a friend that pretty much sums up my feelings: "Dear people who think this is cool: Stop coming. There are too many of you and you're ruining it for me"
There are lots of people who actually WANT to come here for more than just to say that they went. When Newsweek is doing an article about how to "look like a real fan" you know it is out of control. And the people who make fun of those women, and men, in Wonder Women costumes and talk about all of the "freaks" should really just stay home. This is not for you. It's totally jumped the shark. No longer cool. See there. It's not cool - so why would you go? You can find the exclusives online. You can watch the panels on YouTube. You can watch coverage on G4. Leave the looking like "real fans" to the real fans. There are not enough hotel rooms to go around.
See you freaks next year!
Let's get to it bitches. A quick review of SDCC09
1) This year the crowds were INSANE. You really need to feel love for your fellow man and your Action Figure collection to brave these crowds. And it is not just in the convention center and the 45 minute wait for an Iced Grande Soy Caramel Latte I am talking about, it's all over the Gas Lamp. Someone was saying they had to wait an hour for a Subway sandwich. SUBWAY! AN HOUR! Eat Fresh?! What?
2) There were some cool exclusives - I am sure I don't need to tell you that! You are a fan. A collector! You knew months ago about the Jason Voorhees Bust with removable mask, limited to 400 at the Con right? riiight? Oh you were coming here to start your collection. Got it.
3) The Sideshow Collectibles booth was amazing.
4) Panels - there were some really cool ones. The lines were suuuuper long. You have to really want to have your picture taken by Neil Gaiman. Hopefully you didn't even go to the Twilight panel without a 2 day supply of food and a sleeping bag.
5) there were people in crazy costumes! Hey look a Storm Trooper!
6) The free wi-fi was a nice touch! thank you convention center.
So there you have it. Another year down! See ya next year!
Full disclosure: I didn't actually go this year. It really is basically the same every year except that it gets a little more crowded and a lot douchier. My back is messed up right now so I just couldn't get my head around driving 2 uncomfortable hours in the car to walk around a bazillion square foot convention center through the CRAZY crowds and the "fans" ---
A text I got from a friend that pretty much sums up my feelings: "Dear people who think this is cool: Stop coming. There are too many of you and you're ruining it for me"
There are lots of people who actually WANT to come here for more than just to say that they went. When Newsweek is doing an article about how to "look like a real fan" you know it is out of control. And the people who make fun of those women, and men, in Wonder Women costumes and talk about all of the "freaks" should really just stay home. This is not for you. It's totally jumped the shark. No longer cool. See there. It's not cool - so why would you go? You can find the exclusives online. You can watch the panels on YouTube. You can watch coverage on G4. Leave the looking like "real fans" to the real fans. There are not enough hotel rooms to go around.
See you freaks next year!
Hush Hush. Keep it down now.
You know how people (and by people I mean therapists) suggest that if something is on your mind or if you have something to say to someone that you should write them a letter, you don't even have to send it - you can throw it away, but the point, I guess, is to just get it off your mind.
I totally just did that! My "people" would be so proud. But I did it on email. So that I can just delete it instead of throwing the piece of paper away, trying to cut down on waste, y'know. And I didn't input the person's name because I didn't want to accidentally hit "send" - here is the letter in case you need to use it in your office.
From: Me!
To: DoYouEver.StopTalking@work.com
Date: really, every day.
Subject: Have you heard that song Voices Carry?
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
Best Regards.
Looking frantically for my earphones.
I totally just did that! My "people" would be so proud. But I did it on email. So that I can just delete it instead of throwing the piece of paper away, trying to cut down on waste, y'know. And I didn't input the person's name because I didn't want to accidentally hit "send" - here is the letter in case you need to use it in your office.
From: Me!
To: DoYouEver.StopTalking@work.com
Date: really, every day.
Subject: Have you heard that song Voices Carry?
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
Best Regards.
Looking frantically for my earphones.
Ow. My eyes.
There should be a maximum number of fonts and styles in one email.
I don't want to promote violence but you sort of deserve a slap to the back of your head if your signature formatting is 4 lines with
Arial Bold in 10pt in black
Arial Bold in 10pt in red
Arial Bold in 10pt in blue
Arial regular in 10pt in black
Trebuchet MS bold italic in 10
Book Antiqua regular, italics, in 10pt in black
and you are writing your emails in Tahoma regular blue, 10 pt
I beg - please stop assaulting my eyes. I get headaches. Really bad ones. Your abuse of formatting is not helping. I would like to appeal to Microsoft to add one of those cute, but annoying, little animated characters that pop up when you are nearing the limit of fonts that common sense and consideration for your fellow man dictate
What should the max be? I dunno. 2? 3? It's like - there isn't a rule - but you know it when you see it. Six is too many.
mmmm? - eh.
So there is a new(ish) restaurant in town with a fancy name and bright colors. I want to like it SO BAD. It's got outdoor seating (bring your dogs!), dark wood interior, sangria (!!), takes online reservations (cuz, y'know I am afraid of talking on the phone), there are lots of friendly servers, and it has a well designed website and menu. In my quest to force it into being my new favorite restaurant I've gone there 4 times in the last month.
La Grande Orange. A failed love story.
First visit:
breakfast: hash browns, huevos rancheros, latte.
The foam on the latte was beautiful and decent. The hash browns were greasy and delicious. And the huevos rancheros needed salt.
Second visit:
breakfast: egg salad sandwich, hash browns, orange juice.
The OJ was fresh squeezed and yum!
Hash browns were a little greasier this time. Still didn't stop me from plowing through them. The egg salad needed a lot of salt.
Third visit:
dinner: Sweet potato roll, Seared Ahi Tuna Tacos, red sangria.
The roll - omg. Soooo good. The "seared" ahi tacos were completely cooked and flavorless. The person I was with also ordered them and hers came with a side of mayo instead whatever more appropriate but completely forgettable condiment mine came with. It was just a mistake but it was kind of nasty for her to dunk it in the mayo. (unless you like mayo. then you would have been happy.)
The red sangria, along with the LGO cocktail she had were both really really good. They also have white sangria during the summer.
Fourth visit:
dinner: Sweet potato roll, miso-glazed salmon roll, crunchy tuna roll, red sangria and my friend had turkey meatloaf and a decaf coffee (uh? What?) and warm cookie with ice cream.
Again, the sweet potato roll was really good, altho not as good as the first time. The salmon roll is their "signature" roll and it was just ok. The crunchy tuna roll was equally meh. Her turkey meatloaf looked just like very thin lunch meat style slices of turkey COVERED in gravy (this is bad, unless of course you like your food to be drowned. you probably also like mayo. whatever drowns your boat.). She thought her coffee was bitter. And for desert she didn't think the teeny scoop of ice cream was worth an extra buck.
They say it's all seasonal and organic. And I am pretty sure they shop at the local farmer's markets - all of these things are a yay. Their food is just really underwhelming.
I think it is a fine place. Food is very average and very bland - so keep the salt close! I like the atmosphere and will continue to go back and try new things. It's a great place if you want to take visitors who are used to bland chain restaurants (I'm talking to you Cheesecake Factory) but want to try something in Santa Monica before you stroll them down Main St.
La Grande Orange
2000 Main St
SM CA 90405
Things I did not complain about today.
The strong smell of perfume. Maybe some people like that.
People saying "ok, well let me know" after you already tell them that you are looking into something for them.
headaches
I pulled like 6 loose hairs off my shirt. I'm going bald.
The fact that most people spell Comic-Con incorrectly. Comicon. ComiCon.
How FULL I was after lunch.
My back
That sound. WHAT THE HELL WASS THAT SOUND? I had to go and find it
The fact that I found the source of the sound and the person is not there to turn it off and it's impossible to access.
People who don't know when to stop talking
Getting a meeting invite at 1:59 when the meeting is scheduled for 2
"miso" and "huevos" not being in the Outlook dictionary
People who don't publish the whole stories in feed readers. They only publish the headline for for first few lines - NO!
That voice. You know the one.
Who doesn't love a circus!
Lately I have been thinking to myself "We really need to get to the circus more." I used to go to Ringling Bros as a kid. But nowadays I have concerns about the treatment of the animals, my husband is afraid of clowns, and there are like a lot of kids and it's probably looked down upon to go to the circus just to drink.
Luckily for me there is a new circus in town. Cirque Berzerk! So we grabbed a coupla good friends, hydrated and made our way downtown. The CB peeps describe their show as:
"From stilt walkers to aerialists to punk rock clowns to pro riggers, we work together as a cohesive unit to produce visions of sexy fiery burlesque, dramatic flight and vaudevillian tomfoolery. Cirque Berzerk works with both contemporary music as well as it’s own originally produced score. "
My 10 word review: I liked it. Recommend for sure. Could use more edge.
One of the men in our group provided this 2 word review: needs boobs.
(the other man in our group agreed)
It was lots of fun! I highly encourage making a trip downtown, having a tasty dinner and 7 or 8 beers before the show, getting there a little early to enjoy the "pre-party" and more drinks (I can't encourage beer, they only had Red Stripe and Miller Lite). And planning to stay a little late for the after-party where the performers come out to party.
If you are going to the show here are three important reminders:
- your feet will get dirty. Wear super fancy or open toe shows with caution.
- if you try to clap your hands while holding a vodka tonic it WILL spill down the front of your shirt, even if you pay $2 more for Belvedere.
- bring cash so that you can get your "Safety Third" shirt.
Life lesson learned from the show:
You do not have to be insanely or grotesquely thin to be a performer - but you do probably need to do a lot of yoga and stretching.
Pics and reviews:
Oh, AND they have partnered with the Chrysalis group to provide jobs for the homeless. Come on now. That's awesome.
UPDATE: The husband would like you to know that he is not "afraid" of clowns. He just hates them because they are "evil" - noted.
pretend you're not worried about your job
A couple of months ago we went to some craft fair at the California Market Center and I suck because I TOTALLY CANNOT REMEMBER THE NAME OF IT!!! dernnit. I can tell you that Intelligentsia was there making tasty coffee, next to them was a stand selling cupcakes, and it was pretty big, with several hundred vendors. Oh and it wasn't your gramma's kind of craft fair. It was all hip and shit. I mean, not to say that your gramma wasn't hip. She could have been. Mine kind of was. She ran a burlesque club. And also worked loading trucks for Pabst. She also had no crafting talents AT ALL and even fewer ways of expressing love.*
ANYWAY.
If you have some disposable income and your walls need a little newness or you need a card to send, I highly recommend checking out these two businesses that were selling at [?] Show. I really liked their stuff a lot. Made me wish I had more money. And more walls.
http://www.creativethursday.com/
http://www.mincingmockingbird.com/
* for you new moms out there, the inability to express love is not hip. But your kid will probably look to arts, music and similarly fucked friends for approval and therefore could end up sort of hip. So either love your kid a lot and get a cheerleader** or never hug them and get a Picasso***** or a Kurt Cobain. It's up to you. ***
** not that there is anything necessarily wrong with cheerleaders. I'm speaking in stereotypes here, people.
***don't listen to me. I have cats.
*****I actually know absolutely nothing about Picasso. I am just assuming based on the beauty he created that he was sort of tortured and not hugged much, plus it was, what, like the 1800s when he was a kid, probably no one hugged back then. Wow. What has happened to this post? Go to those links. Buy their shit.
ANYWAY.
If you have some disposable income and your walls need a little newness or you need a card to send, I highly recommend checking out these two businesses that were selling at [?] Show. I really liked their stuff a lot. Made me wish I had more money. And more walls.
http://www.creativethursday.com/
http://www.mincingmockingbird.com/
* for you new moms out there, the inability to express love is not hip. But your kid will probably look to arts, music and similarly fucked friends for approval and therefore could end up sort of hip. So either love your kid a lot and get a cheerleader** or never hug them and get a Picasso***** or a Kurt Cobain. It's up to you. ***
** not that there is anything necessarily wrong with cheerleaders. I'm speaking in stereotypes here, people.
***don't listen to me. I have cats.
*****I actually know absolutely nothing about Picasso. I am just assuming based on the beauty he created that he was sort of tortured and not hugged much, plus it was, what, like the 1800s when he was a kid, probably no one hugged back then. Wow. What has happened to this post? Go to those links. Buy their shit.
I'm Dumb. Bastille Day
So, if it wasn't for a few restaurants around town celebrating with wine I totally would not have known it was Bastille Day on July 14. I said to someone, who doesn't even drink, "Oh, it's Bastille Day" and they must have an "I'm Dumb" section on their blog too because they said "What's Bastille Day?." And I had absolutely. no. idea. But I do know where you could have got wine specials had I posted this two days ago.
ANYWAY.
According to the know-it-alls that contribute to Wikipedia, Bastille Day is:
I wonder if people wonder about July 4th? Do you think there is a French blog that wrote:
"They celebrate signing a piece of paper with hot dogs, cheap beer, and fireworks?" I think so too.
ANYWAY.
According to the know-it-alls that contribute to Wikipedia, Bastille Day is:
- A French Holiday (knew that)
- There is a parade. (could have guessed that - there are probably fireworks too)
- Allie's get invited to the parade. hm. Was King Obama there? hm. Are they still mad over that whole "Iraq" thing? Was he unable to get on to the evite on his BlackBerry? And now France is all "HE DIDN'T EVEN VIEW IT!"
- This shit has been celebrated for like hundreds of years.
- A bunch of dudes (presumably) rushed a prison that only had 7 insignificant inmates (I'm sure they were significant to SOMEONE)
- it's like their 4th of July. Minus the rednecks. eh, too many words. read it here.
I wonder if people wonder about July 4th? Do you think there is a French blog that wrote:
"They celebrate signing a piece of paper with hot dogs, cheap beer, and fireworks?" I think so too.
Even I can't believe this irritates me
Dear Diary,
I am distraught. I don't know what to do. See, at first when I moved to this neighborhood there was one other girl who had the same name as me. But she lives down the street in another neighborhood and when people talked about her they say her WHOLE name. So there was no mistaking who they were talking about. Then about a year ago we got ANOTHER one -- THREE! And she lives on my block. And she wears cute shoes. And then people started to assume that when they were saying my name they meant HER! BUT NO - it was me!! It took awhile for the neighborhood kids but eventually we all got it straight.
But now. I knew it was coming. The mailman came last week and asked if my name changed. *sadness* "no…" I sighed. And then today I met her. And she seems really nice. Would it be wrong of me to ask her to go by a different name? Like Ted? Oh but we already have a Ted in our neighborhood. Hmmm. Dirk… yeh, her name should be Dirk. I have to figure out a way to get her to volunteer to be called Dirk. Diary, help.
Signed,
Should I change my name to Fred?
I am distraught. I don't know what to do. See, at first when I moved to this neighborhood there was one other girl who had the same name as me. But she lives down the street in another neighborhood and when people talked about her they say her WHOLE name. So there was no mistaking who they were talking about. Then about a year ago we got ANOTHER one -- THREE! And she lives on my block. And she wears cute shoes. And then people started to assume that when they were saying my name they meant HER! BUT NO - it was me!! It took awhile for the neighborhood kids but eventually we all got it straight.
But now. I knew it was coming. The mailman came last week and asked if my name changed. *sadness* "no…" I sighed. And then today I met her. And she seems really nice. Would it be wrong of me to ask her to go by a different name? Like Ted? Oh but we already have a Ted in our neighborhood. Hmmm. Dirk… yeh, her name should be Dirk. I have to figure out a way to get her to volunteer to be called Dirk. Diary, help.
Signed,
Should I change my name to Fred?
not news
So I have a rare couple of minutes before I have to leave for work - let's check the news and see what is going on in the world!
Pop stars are still dead
A woman was frightened by cricket like 50 years ago
A dermatologist has probably seen an increase in business
Drug use is on the rise - oh wait, that's just in our house - husband has a pinched nerve and was given a pharmacy to heal it.
People are still stupid enough to think Red Bulls are good for them
I don't read the news for many reasons - it's sensationalized, it's gossipy. it's not "news" - I mean the fact that CNN's top headline story is also the top story in their entertainment section should tell you something.
ok, so CNN sucks for news... let's try Reuters
Christie's has an iPhone app.
BBC?
Sometimes older people die.
NPR??
wow - NPR actually has a lot of news news... holy shit, it's depressing.
I'm sticking with blogs and Twitter. If something is important it will find me.
Pop stars are still dead
A woman was frightened by cricket like 50 years ago
A dermatologist has probably seen an increase in business
Drug use is on the rise - oh wait, that's just in our house - husband has a pinched nerve and was given a pharmacy to heal it.
People are still stupid enough to think Red Bulls are good for them
I don't read the news for many reasons - it's sensationalized, it's gossipy. it's not "news" - I mean the fact that CNN's top headline story is also the top story in their entertainment section should tell you something.
ok, so CNN sucks for news... let's try Reuters
Christie's has an iPhone app.
BBC?
Sometimes older people die.
NPR??
wow - NPR actually has a lot of news news... holy shit, it's depressing.
I'm sticking with blogs and Twitter. If something is important it will find me.
smart - fail.
One thing I am good at is beating myself up. Seriously. A pro. I am going to be having NIGHTMARES over the misuse of their/they're on the cult posting. I've been thinking about that allll day. For real.
I would like to thank my dear friend Tina for pointing out the error - it helps me to remind myself HEY DUMBSHIT WHY DON'T TRY PROOF READING FOR A CHANGE. It's like my own personal hell. It's totally karmic retribution for something I have done. I can spot an error on a billboard a mile away going 55 mph but, fucking hell, I cannot be bothered to recheck a post or an email (I am REALLY bad about checking emails before I hit ctrl+enter.)
I was hoping that writing this would just help to get it out of my system - and I totally think it worked! sweet...
Oh fuck - I literally just almost hit PUBLISH without reading... ok. hang on. Alright, good thing I did - I found something... publishing in 3.2.1...
PS - If you spot an error feel free to email me - not comment. :) And I don't mean like "hey bitch you missed a comma" or "that should be a semi colon not colon colon" or "what's with the love of the ellipses, it's kind of annoying and actually you're not even using it correctly" "- those things I just don't have time for. I mean important things like "A lot is TWO words dumbshit" or "Hey, brainiac you spelled Guy's name wrong" - we all have our cute little quirks right??
I would like to thank my dear friend Tina for pointing out the error - it helps me to remind myself HEY DUMBSHIT WHY DON'T TRY PROOF READING FOR A CHANGE. It's like my own personal hell. It's totally karmic retribution for something I have done. I can spot an error on a billboard a mile away going 55 mph but, fucking hell, I cannot be bothered to recheck a post or an email (I am REALLY bad about checking emails before I hit ctrl+enter.)
I was hoping that writing this would just help to get it out of my system - and I totally think it worked! sweet...
Oh fuck - I literally just almost hit PUBLISH without reading... ok. hang on. Alright, good thing I did - I found something... publishing in 3.2.1...
PS - If you spot an error feel free to email me - not comment. :) And I don't mean like "hey bitch you missed a comma" or "that should be a semi colon not colon colon" or "what's with the love of the ellipses, it's kind of annoying and actually you're not even using it correctly" "- those things I just don't have time for. I mean important things like "A lot is TWO words dumbshit" or "Hey, brainiac you spelled Guy's name wrong" - we all have our cute little quirks right??
My husband rules
We just had this exact exchange:
Him: You writin' a blog?
Me: Uh huh
H:What's it about?
M: cults
H: cults?
M: uhhuh
H: okee doke, I'm gunna call my mom.
Him: You writin' a blog?
Me: Uh huh
H:What's it about?
M: cults
H: cults?
M: uhhuh
H: okee doke, I'm gunna call my mom.
to cult or not to cult
So, I read a lot of blogs. Like, a lot. I read a lot of random blogs about a lot of random subjects. My RSS feed (which does not actually contain any "news" sources) and Twitter are how I get my news. It works for me. So. One of the blogs I read is called Progressive Buddhism (shut up) and I was just reading an article called "The Danger of Cults to Buddhism" and by "reading" I mean skimming, reading the first sentence of each paragraph and maybe a little more along the way. (I don't have a lot of time, y'know, I got blogs to read). And I was SORT of excited to read this one, since I have thought about cults a lot lately (don't ask), but like 1/3 through the article I got all annoyed, posted a Facebook message about it and started to go to the next story in the Reader. But. Then I went back to it..
Briefly, I re-read this...
You might be a cult if:
If bizarre rituals are required by members, including any type of sexual act in order to fulfill some teaching or favor, then it is a cult. If large amounts of money or material items are required to gain favor, or to learn some teaching, then it is a cult. If the 'leader' claims to be a messenger from God or be some infallible prophet or some other mystical cosmic force, then it’s a safe bet it’s a cult. If they have 'secret' teachings or different levels of rank only obtainable through money or other types of personal consideration, and these secrets aren't open to scrutiny, then its probably a cult. If their main concern is to maintain allegiance to one or a few 'leaders' despite the needs of its followers, then it’s probably a cult. If wisdom, understanding and compassion are not given freely, with no strings attached, (with the possible exception of the request for nominal voluntary donations), then it probably is a cult.
Then I wondered what the actually definition of a cult is:
According to Merriam-Webster
1: formal religious veneration : worship
2: a system of religious beliefs and ritual ; also : its body of adherents
3: a religion regarded as unorthodox or spurious ; also : its body of adherents
4: a system for the cure of disease based on dogma set forth by its promulgator
5 a: great devotion to a person, idea, object, movement, or work (as a film or book) ; especially : such devotion regarded as a literary or intellectual fad b: the object of such devotion c: a usually small group of people characterized by such devotion
I dunno. Maybe I'm spending too much time inside but the actual definition doesn't seem THAT bad to me - I mean, relative to other things about religion. Aren't even some "normal" religions kind of "unorthodox"??
I mean, it's kind of subjective right? As long as no one gets hurt, who the fuck cares if someone, even a "progressive buddhist" thinks you're in a "cult" - obviously there has been a lot of publicized tragedy surrounding "cults" and I would never encourage anyone to do harm but can't a lot of those things above from the Progressive Buddhist article be applied to other, "normal" religions? I mean, everything at one point was something new, different and scary right?
So, like, hear me out for a second (or just stop reading, really I couldn't care less*)--
Take this one:
and, "if the 'leader' claims to be a messenger from God or be some infallible prophet or some other mystical cosmic force, then it’s a safe bet it’s a cult." - um hello, Jesus?
Now, I will be the first to admit that I know almost nothing about religions. or cults. But me thinks that as long as someone isn't telling you chop off bunny heads, give your entire salary to dump rocky road ice cream in the rivers, or rape bottle-nose dolphins for salvation, adults should be able to make decisions on their own about how they choose to worship, or not worship. Don't hurt anybody. Don't be a douchebag. Don't force your beliefs on me. But beyond that. Whatev.
*-note that I could NOT care less.. as opposed to COULD care less. That is totally one of my pet peeves.
UPDATE!! ok, man, I totally did not edit (OBviously - there are too many words here) and I totally did not proof read so thanks to TB for pointing out my using they're instead of their - yikes. sorry. hate that.
Briefly, I re-read this...
You might be a cult if:
If bizarre rituals are required by members, including any type of sexual act in order to fulfill some teaching or favor, then it is a cult. If large amounts of money or material items are required to gain favor, or to learn some teaching, then it is a cult. If the 'leader' claims to be a messenger from God or be some infallible prophet or some other mystical cosmic force, then it’s a safe bet it’s a cult. If they have 'secret' teachings or different levels of rank only obtainable through money or other types of personal consideration, and these secrets aren't open to scrutiny, then its probably a cult. If their main concern is to maintain allegiance to one or a few 'leaders' despite the needs of its followers, then it’s probably a cult. If wisdom, understanding and compassion are not given freely, with no strings attached, (with the possible exception of the request for nominal voluntary donations), then it probably is a cult.
Then I wondered what the actually definition of a cult is:
According to Merriam-Webster
1: formal religious veneration : worship
2: a system of religious beliefs and ritual ; also : its body of adherents
3: a religion regarded as unorthodox or spurious ; also : its body of adherents
4: a system for the cure of disease based on dogma set forth by its promulgator
5 a: great devotion to a person, idea, object, movement, or work (as a film or book) ; especially : such devotion regarded as a literary or intellectual fad b: the object of such devotion c: a usually small group of people characterized by such devotion
I dunno. Maybe I'm spending too much time inside but the actual definition doesn't seem THAT bad to me - I mean, relative to other things about religion. Aren't even some "normal" religions kind of "unorthodox"??
I mean, it's kind of subjective right? As long as no one gets hurt, who the fuck cares if someone, even a "progressive buddhist" thinks you're in a "cult" - obviously there has been a lot of publicized tragedy surrounding "cults" and I would never encourage anyone to do harm but can't a lot of those things above from the Progressive Buddhist article be applied to other, "normal" religions? I mean, everything at one point was something new, different and scary right?
So, like, hear me out for a second (or just stop reading, really I couldn't care less*)--
Take this one:
and, "if the 'leader' claims to be a messenger from God or be some infallible prophet or some other mystical cosmic force, then it’s a safe bet it’s a cult." - um hello, Jesus?
Now, I will be the first to admit that I know almost nothing about religions. or cults. But me thinks that as long as someone isn't telling you chop off bunny heads, give your entire salary to dump rocky road ice cream in the rivers, or rape bottle-nose dolphins for salvation, adults should be able to make decisions on their own about how they choose to worship, or not worship. Don't hurt anybody. Don't be a douchebag. Don't force your beliefs on me. But beyond that. Whatev.
*-note that I could NOT care less.. as opposed to COULD care less. That is totally one of my pet peeves.
UPDATE!! ok, man, I totally did not edit (OBviously - there are too many words here) and I totally did not proof read so thanks to TB for pointing out my using they're instead of their - yikes. sorry. hate that.
yeh, I'm kinda tired
So... for like TEN WHOLE DAYS, I was all working out a lot - like everyday... like at all of the gyms I belong to (except one), like at yoga studios, like EVEN doing online yoga AT HOME... I was alll motivated and shit.
And there are a few reasons for my sudden motivation but honestly one of the biggest ones is because I thought it would help increase my energy level so that I could get all kinds of stuff done and not be so darn tired at the end of the day. I ALSO thought that because my energy level would be up that, for some reason, I would need less sleep.
This is how it went in my head:
1) raise energy.
2) combat laziness and fatigue.
3) need less sleep
4) get shit done.
but then.
I saw something online (that I can't link to because I immediately closed the browser hoping it wasn't true but it's been haunting me ever since) that said athletes need 7 to 8 hours of sleep A NIGHT! wait. what? How can that be? How can my body be all exercised and lean and efficient and need MORE time to rest.
fuck, man.
that blows.
Anyway, now I'm having back issues and can't go to yoga and was told to do low impact boring shit for EIGHT WEEKS AND I still probably need 8 freaking hours a night to "heal." It's a lose lose not get shit done kind of scenario.
bah.
I don't have THE link, but there is plenty online. read it. not lying. it says I need MORE sleep. I just don't know how that can be.
And there are a few reasons for my sudden motivation but honestly one of the biggest ones is because I thought it would help increase my energy level so that I could get all kinds of stuff done and not be so darn tired at the end of the day. I ALSO thought that because my energy level would be up that, for some reason, I would need less sleep.
This is how it went in my head:
1) raise energy.
2) combat laziness and fatigue.
3) need less sleep
4) get shit done.
but then.
I saw something online (that I can't link to because I immediately closed the browser hoping it wasn't true but it's been haunting me ever since) that said athletes need 7 to 8 hours of sleep A NIGHT! wait. what? How can that be? How can my body be all exercised and lean and efficient and need MORE time to rest.
fuck, man.
that blows.
Anyway, now I'm having back issues and can't go to yoga and was told to do low impact boring shit for EIGHT WEEKS AND I still probably need 8 freaking hours a night to "heal." It's a lose lose not get shit done kind of scenario.
bah.
I don't have THE link, but there is plenty online. read it. not lying. it says I need MORE sleep. I just don't know how that can be.
It's easy!
Without trying too hard you could easily come up with twenty or thirty thousand things people can do to ruin your day. I have two basic things that everyone can do to improve the lives of their fellow humans. There are the really obvious ones like don't kill - which I'm just going to assume are a given and will ignore. The two things that every person should do if they care AT ALL about not being an asshole:
1) Don't smell. Leave the smelling to the homeless. They don't have a shower, or a home, or a job and are probably wishing for all of these things or are too crazy to know they should be. You? Take a shower. Like, not EVERYday, (I shower 6 days a week - the 7th day I get to be LAZY! It's how I treat myself -shut up- unless of course I did something to make me really sweaty, then I shower on the 7th day, but I am not happy about it.) - So - don't be smelly, this, by the way, includes wearing too much perfume, wearing clothes that smell like they were washed in a tobacco factory, etc…
2) If you are the first person person at a red light, or a turn signal, or in line at a store or restaurant and ESPECIALLY if you are in line at a coffee shop - PAY ATTENTION. I cannot emphasize this enough. As the first person in line you have a responsibility to everyone behind you to know when the light turns green, or the barista is ready for you. Do not make me miss the light because you were sending a text or putting on your makeup. Do NOT keep me from my coffee because you are daydreaming. Be conscious. Be aware of how you are affecting other people.
That's all. See how easy it is? Maybe some people just don't care - those people deserve to drive behind people going 10 miles under the speed limit, while that slow driver is texting their friends at every red light about the asshole tailgater (that's you, er, the person who doesn't care) behind them AND stand behind every smelly daydreamer at Starbucks. For eternity. That, by the way, would be my Hell. If there is a Hell I will surely be going there - I will spend eternity in a car without shocks driving behind someone applying perfume with their right hand, makeup with their left hand, texting with their toes and who just happens to be running the exact errands I am running while blasting scat. Because in Hell the only music that plays is Jazz.
And Michael Jackson.
(full disclosure: I TOTALLY text at red lights. BUT NOT WHEN I AM FIRST.)
1) Don't smell. Leave the smelling to the homeless. They don't have a shower, or a home, or a job and are probably wishing for all of these things or are too crazy to know they should be. You? Take a shower. Like, not EVERYday, (I shower 6 days a week - the 7th day I get to be LAZY! It's how I treat myself -shut up- unless of course I did something to make me really sweaty, then I shower on the 7th day, but I am not happy about it.) - So - don't be smelly, this, by the way, includes wearing too much perfume, wearing clothes that smell like they were washed in a tobacco factory, etc…
2) If you are the first person person at a red light, or a turn signal, or in line at a store or restaurant and ESPECIALLY if you are in line at a coffee shop - PAY ATTENTION. I cannot emphasize this enough. As the first person in line you have a responsibility to everyone behind you to know when the light turns green, or the barista is ready for you. Do not make me miss the light because you were sending a text or putting on your makeup. Do NOT keep me from my coffee because you are daydreaming. Be conscious. Be aware of how you are affecting other people.
That's all. See how easy it is? Maybe some people just don't care - those people deserve to drive behind people going 10 miles under the speed limit, while that slow driver is texting their friends at every red light about the asshole tailgater (that's you, er, the person who doesn't care) behind them AND stand behind every smelly daydreamer at Starbucks. For eternity. That, by the way, would be my Hell. If there is a Hell I will surely be going there - I will spend eternity in a car without shocks driving behind someone applying perfume with their right hand, makeup with their left hand, texting with their toes and who just happens to be running the exact errands I am running while blasting scat. Because in Hell the only music that plays is Jazz.
And Michael Jackson.
(full disclosure: I TOTALLY text at red lights. BUT NOT WHEN I AM FIRST.)
Actually, I hardly have any time at all.
When people say "Someone has too much time on their hands." in that cutesy, snippy, voice all they are really saying is "Wow, I am totally judging that person for doing something that I cannot relate to and do not think is important." Like, right now. I actually have a ton of other things I could be, and you could say should be doing. But you know what. I want to write this. I choose to write this. I choose the way I prioritize my time. Me adult. We're all adults (I mean unless you're not - in which case you are totally not reading my blog, you're like at the mall or buying Sudafed or Oxycontin, or playing video games or having sex parties and you just happened to stumble onto my blog because you Googled Oxycontin Sex Party.) ANYWAY. My point is don't go making assumptions and judgments about how other people decide to allocate their time. My priorities are not your priorities. They are mine. And I do not have too much time. I have just enough time to jot this down as a matter of fact so suck it.
Man, lemme tell you
I am NOT going online today (except to post this), I am not going near a TV (except to watch TiVo - is Rescue Me on tonight?), I am not going near a radio (except KXLU - because they have not lost their minds, I mean, they totally have, but in a normal college kid, rock kind of way). Because I am SOOO over this whole dead MJ thing. ALLL over TV. ALL over radio (hello, my local NPR station broadcasting his memorial - et tu NPR?). The emails, the tweets, the Facebooks, the watercooler. Enough. I haven't cared about his music since I was like 10. I watched as he went from weird where-is-his-skin-color-going pale guy to creepy sleeps-in-beds-with-little-boys-and-settles-out-of-court pedoweirdo. And now all of a sudden he's a freaking saint who might get a holiday and a postage stamp? No thanks! He's dead - I'm sorry if you are in pain over it. I'm also sorry if you are one of the boys he (allegedly) molested or acted inappropriately with and now have to watch as millions celebrate his greatness while ignoring arguably more important Global issues. I'm totally not surprised by it all - but I am totally over it. Peace out. RIP motherfucker.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
